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" Be quick to learn and wise to know. "

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" First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. "

" I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. "

" Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. "

" When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. "

" Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. "

" Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. "

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" Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. "

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" The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. "

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" It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. "

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" I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money. "

" I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. "

" I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. "

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" If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. "

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" It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. "

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" I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. "

" This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. "

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" Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. "

" You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. "