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" Asparagus inspires gentle thoughts. "

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" The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive - you are leaking. "

" Cards are war, in disguise of a sport. "

" Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral. "

" New Year's Day is every man's birthday. "

" The red-letter days, now become, to all intents and purposes, dead-letter days. "

" Let us live for the beauty of our own reality. "

" Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. "

" What is reading, but silent conversation. "

" The beggar wears all colors fearing none. "

" My theory is to enjoy life, but the practice is against it. "

" I love to lose myself in other men's minds. "

" Some people have a knack of putting upon you gifts of no real value, to engage you to substantial gratitude. We thank them for nothing. "

" The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth and have it found out by accident. "

" Nothing puzzles me more than the time and space; and yet nothing troubles me less. "

" Clap an extinguisher upon your irony if you are unhappily blessed with a vein of it. "

" Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected. "

" I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. "

" For thy sake, tobacco, I would do anything but die. "

" Pain is life - the sharper, the more evidence of life. "

" We gain nothing by being with such as ourselves. We encourage one another in mediocrity. I am always longing to be with men more excellent than myself. "

" My motto is: Contented with little, yet wishing for more. "

" I have had playmates, I have had companions; In my days of childhood, in my joyful school days - All, all are gone, the old familiar faces. "

" A book reads the better which is our own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins. "

" Man is a gaming animal. He must always be trying to get the better in something or other. "