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" I have had playmates, I have had companions; In my days of childhood, in my joyful school days - All, all are gone, the old familiar faces. "

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" Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected. "

" Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. "

" Cards are war, in disguise of a sport. "

" Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral. "

" We gain nothing by being with such as ourselves. We encourage one another in mediocrity. I am always longing to be with men more excellent than myself. "

" I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. "

" Let us live for the beauty of our own reality. "

" What is reading, but silent conversation. "

" I love to lose myself in other men's minds. "

" The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive - you are leaking. "

" Man is a gaming animal. He must always be trying to get the better in something or other. "

" New Year's Day is every man's birthday. "

" The red-letter days, now become, to all intents and purposes, dead-letter days. "

" Nothing puzzles me more than the time and space; and yet nothing troubles me less. "

" A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. It is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect. "

" Clap an extinguisher upon your irony if you are unhappily blessed with a vein of it. "

" The beggar wears all colors fearing none. "

" Pain is life - the sharper, the more evidence of life. "

" For thy sake, tobacco, I would do anything but die. "

" A book reads the better which is our own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins. "

" My motto is: Contented with little, yet wishing for more. "

" The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth and have it found out by accident. "

" My theory is to enjoy life, but the practice is against it. "

" Asparagus inspires gentle thoughts. "