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" Clap an extinguisher upon your irony if you are unhappily blessed with a vein of it. "

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" A book reads the better which is our own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins. "

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" Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral. "

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" The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive - you are leaking. "

" Asparagus inspires gentle thoughts. "

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" The beggar wears all colors fearing none. "

" The red-letter days, now become, to all intents and purposes, dead-letter days. "

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" Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected. "