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" Honestly, you could beat me, torture me - just don't bore me. "

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" I love improv so much. Listening. I think that's the key. When you improvise, you put a lot of pressure on yourself to create, and to be generating information, and trying to be funny, but if you just listen to what's being said to you, and then react honestly, you generally get better results. "

" I always try to stick to the script because I want to respect the writers, and I want to respect the director. But if the director and my fellow actors are okay with me playing with it a little bit, then I definitely want to play with it. "

" For the most part, I keep playing big knuckleheads who are like bulls in a china shop. "

" Hopefully, I'm not stealing scenes from other actors, because then they won't want to work with me. "

" I have a fondness for Georgetown. There's always some place in Georgetown that has a bunch of people that look like they're having fun, watching the game. Go in there, grab a pint. It's the best. "

" I've written several pilots that haven't gone, so that's why you haven't seen any. "

" The comedy seeds were planted before the Marine seeds. The thought of comedy never happening was scary. When you have a plan, you never know what will happen. "

" I don't mind it so much if I get type cast as an authority figure. I get to do comedy no matter what it is, so it doesn't bother me. "

" You get to really master the emotion of humility as a Chiefs fan. "

" I just love the Corps. I love the brotherhood, the camaraderie. I thank anyone in uniform who serves their fellow man. I love this country for so many reasons. We have such a great country here, and it's worth defending, and it's worth sacrificing for. "

" That's a good sign for a movie: When it becomes part of the lexicon and pop culture for an entire generation. I've been in many movies, luckily, that get quoted. "

" I knew I wanted to try comedy and acting. Even if I failed, at least I would have tried. It's better than never having tried. "

" Look, here's the deal: The Chiefs' fate and the Royals' fate, that's my fate. "

" When the folks at Holiday Inn Express handed me a pancake with my very own face on it, I knew I had finally made it. Then, I grabbed a knife and fork, and tucked into my face. And I'm happy to report: I'm delicious. "

" I can't quote stats from another decade. I've got friends that can do that. But I am a huge sports fan. In fact, I enjoy all sports, and when I enjoy a game for five minutes, I'm in it for the whole thing. Plus, I do have some teams I loyally follow. "

" I think audiences can relate to the guys I'm playing, those large-and-in-charge idiots. Or maybe I just make them feel better about who they are, or who they're dating. "

" I like boysenberry. I have no idea what it is. And it sounds like poison - which is terrifying - but you can't hold a name against a flavor. If you did that, everyone would hate Crunchberries. "

" I'm a Kansas City kid, so I love my Royals and Chiefs. I went to the University of Kansas, so I love the Jayhawks. But I live in L.A., so I'm a fan of the Dodgers. "

" I had just left 'Saturday Night Live' when I came to 'The Daily Show,' and it just felt like Jon was on my side. I'll always be grateful to him for that. I just got the impression he wanted me to succeed, and then I wanted to succeed for him. I think that's good leadership. "

" As a comedian, I'm always quoting 'Caddyshack' and 'Dumb and Dumber.' "

" I love to play it. I think it's funny. It's always been funny to me. Somebody who's large and in charge but totally wrong-headed. "

" I've always been cast in authority roles; I think because I have that presence... Comedically, I can play against that pretty well. I enjoy playing that arrogant ignorance. That's one of my favorite games to play in comedy. "

" Just take yourself back to September 2001. As that month went on, and as that autumn unrolled, everybody wanted to do something. How can I help? Do you want my blood? Do you want money for the victims? I was a captain in the Marine Corps. I knew what I could do. I was right there. I was ready. I saw it. I moved the rubble with my own hands. "

" We can't ask the men and women of this country to go do things for us and then, when they get home, forget about them. It's not part of the deal. "

" In the Marine Corps, I was used to people doing what they said and saying what they mean. There was a higher purpose and calling in the Corps. Everyone works toward accomplishing something together, and there's a common goal. In entertainment, the same isn't always true. You're in it for yourself in Hollywood. "

" When you're leading Marines, you don't screw around, so the comedy is limited in uniform. And when you're a comedian, you can't be heavy handed and come across with tales of gore or material that people won't understand, so I try to keep them separate. "

" It's definitely fun to play something you're not, which is always a good time. "

" My advice is for veterans to seek out mentors, people who are doing what you want to do. You have to decide what you want and have a goal. Don't worry about how you're going to do it. Just trust that you'll get there. "

" You never want to just be outrageous for outrageous' sake 'cause then it doesn't work, and it's not believable. You want to be as true to whatever character you're playing. "

" I am one of those guys that's an optimist. I am always optimistic. I don't know how you can be any other way. "