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" It's definitely fun to play something you're not, which is always a good time. "

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" You get to really master the emotion of humility as a Chiefs fan. "

" I have a fondness for Georgetown. There's always some place in Georgetown that has a bunch of people that look like they're having fun, watching the game. Go in there, grab a pint. It's the best. "

" In college, I was a theater and film major at Kansas University. I always had an affinity for comedy. I could probably quote everything from 'Caddyshack,' 'Stripes,' and all those great comedies from the '80s. "

" I have performed for the troops... in Iraq! They loved it! I loved it... It's all good! "

" I like boysenberry. I have no idea what it is. And it sounds like poison - which is terrifying - but you can't hold a name against a flavor. If you did that, everyone would hate Crunchberries. "

" I always try to stick to the script because I want to respect the writers, and I want to respect the director. But if the director and my fellow actors are okay with me playing with it a little bit, then I definitely want to play with it. "

" Whenever I'm given a chance to support veterans' initiatives, I try to do that. Children and veterans - if they're involved, you can pretty much count me in. "

" I knew I wanted to try comedy and acting. Even if I failed, at least I would have tried. It's better than never having tried. "

" I've always been a fan of comedy. I've always enjoyed it. It's something I'm very passionate about; it's like lifeblood to me. I had to pursue it. I thought I had a little bit of talent, and if I could make a living at it, I would do it. It's worked out so far. "

" Hopefully, I'm not stealing scenes from other actors, because then they won't want to work with me. "

" We can't ask the men and women of this country to go do things for us and then, when they get home, forget about them. It's not part of the deal. "

" Honestly, you could beat me, torture me - just don't bore me. "

" I can't quote stats from another decade. I've got friends that can do that. But I am a huge sports fan. In fact, I enjoy all sports, and when I enjoy a game for five minutes, I'm in it for the whole thing. Plus, I do have some teams I loyally follow. "

" As a comedian, I'm always quoting 'Caddyshack' and 'Dumb and Dumber.' "

" Changing the conversation about how Americans perceive veterans is really important. These are hardworking, dedicated, innovative people who deserve quality employment when they return home from their military service. "

" I would love to do something dramatic. I don't know if anybody will ever give me the chance, but I would love to try it. I'm trained in acting and spent many years working on it, so it's just a matter of opportunity. "

" What's my favorite food besides pancakes? I guess it would be flapjacks, followed closely by hotcakes. After that, crepes... but thick crepes. Y'know, like, pancake-thick. "

" People who drive slow in the left lane on the highway! Are you kidding me? Don't you see everybody passing you, honking and flipping you off? It's not because everyone else is crazy, it's because you're driving slow in the fast lane, you jerk! OMG! It makes me crazy! "

" I need a coffee, I'm a cold coffee guy. That's how I do. "

" I don't mind it so much if I get type cast as an authority figure. I get to do comedy no matter what it is, so it doesn't bother me. "

" When I put on my Marine cover, I'm a Marine, and I act accordingly. "

" Look, here's the deal: The Chiefs' fate and the Royals' fate, that's my fate. "

" I am one of those guys that's an optimist. I am always optimistic. I don't know how you can be any other way. "

" I just love the Corps. I love the brotherhood, the camaraderie. I thank anyone in uniform who serves their fellow man. I love this country for so many reasons. We have such a great country here, and it's worth defending, and it's worth sacrificing for. "

" My advice is for veterans to seek out mentors, people who are doing what you want to do. You have to decide what you want and have a goal. Don't worry about how you're going to do it. Just trust that you'll get there. "

" I love to play it. I think it's funny. It's always been funny to me. Somebody who's large and in charge but totally wrong-headed. "

" Guy's guys are of course welcome! But my audience runs the spectrum of humanity. There's something for everyone! "

" I lived in New York for 10 years; I followed the Rangers. Now I live in L.A. I want to adopt a team. I'm always going to be a Kansas City Chiefs and Royals fan. I want to adopt a team in a new town, so I've adopted the Kings. "

" Just take yourself back to September 2001. As that month went on, and as that autumn unrolled, everybody wanted to do something. How can I help? Do you want my blood? Do you want money for the victims? I was a captain in the Marine Corps. I knew what I could do. I was right there. I was ready. I saw it. I moved the rubble with my own hands. "

" I went through puberty late. I was a little, little, tiny kid. I was still growing in college. "