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" I've written several pilots that haven't gone, so that's why you haven't seen any. "

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" When I put on my Marine cover, I'm a Marine, and I act accordingly. "

" Hopefully, I'm not stealing scenes from other actors, because then they won't want to work with me. "

" I love to play it. I think it's funny. It's always been funny to me. Somebody who's large and in charge but totally wrong-headed. "

" I have a fondness for Georgetown. There's always some place in Georgetown that has a bunch of people that look like they're having fun, watching the game. Go in there, grab a pint. It's the best. "

" For the most part, I keep playing big knuckleheads who are like bulls in a china shop. "

" People who drive slow in the left lane on the highway! Are you kidding me? Don't you see everybody passing you, honking and flipping you off? It's not because everyone else is crazy, it's because you're driving slow in the fast lane, you jerk! OMG! It makes me crazy! "

" I am one of those guys that's an optimist. I am always optimistic. I don't know how you can be any other way. "

" I have performed for the troops... in Iraq! They loved it! I loved it... It's all good! "

" Look, here's the deal: The Chiefs' fate and the Royals' fate, that's my fate. "

" There's no better citizen than a veteran. There's so much waiting for you outside, and it's not something to be intimidated by or scared by; it is something to be embraced. "

" Honestly, you could beat me, torture me - just don't bore me. "

" I knew I wanted to try comedy and acting. Even if I failed, at least I would have tried. It's better than never having tried. "

" I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and I wasn't the biggest, so I got real good at running my mouth and making people laugh and using humor as a way to not get into fights. "

" In high school, I was voted 'Most Humorous' in my senior class. "

" I don't mind it so much if I get type cast as an authority figure. I get to do comedy no matter what it is, so it doesn't bother me. "

" What's my favorite food besides pancakes? I guess it would be flapjacks, followed closely by hotcakes. After that, crepes... but thick crepes. Y'know, like, pancake-thick. "

" I just love the Corps. I love the brotherhood, the camaraderie. I thank anyone in uniform who serves their fellow man. I love this country for so many reasons. We have such a great country here, and it's worth defending, and it's worth sacrificing for. "

" Changing the conversation about how Americans perceive veterans is really important. These are hardworking, dedicated, innovative people who deserve quality employment when they return home from their military service. "

" I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but if you're not constantly craving breakfast every second of every day, you're not a real American. Y'know what, let's throw the Canadians in there, too. "

" I would love to do something dramatic. I don't know if anybody will ever give me the chance, but I would love to try it. I'm trained in acting and spent many years working on it, so it's just a matter of opportunity. "

" I'm a Kansas City kid, so I love my Royals and Chiefs. I went to the University of Kansas, so I love the Jayhawks. But I live in L.A., so I'm a fan of the Dodgers. "

" As a comedian, I'm always quoting 'Caddyshack' and 'Dumb and Dumber.' "

" I think audiences can relate to the guys I'm playing, those large-and-in-charge idiots. Or maybe I just make them feel better about who they are, or who they're dating. "

" I always try to stick to the script because I want to respect the writers, and I want to respect the director. But if the director and my fellow actors are okay with me playing with it a little bit, then I definitely want to play with it. "

" We can't ask the men and women of this country to go do things for us and then, when they get home, forget about them. It's not part of the deal. "

" In college, I was a theater and film major at Kansas University. I always had an affinity for comedy. I could probably quote everything from 'Caddyshack,' 'Stripes,' and all those great comedies from the '80s. "

" I love improv so much. Listening. I think that's the key. When you improvise, you put a lot of pressure on yourself to create, and to be generating information, and trying to be funny, but if you just listen to what's being said to you, and then react honestly, you generally get better results. "

" I lived in New York for 10 years; I followed the Rangers. Now I live in L.A. I want to adopt a team. I'm always going to be a Kansas City Chiefs and Royals fan. I want to adopt a team in a new town, so I've adopted the Kings. "

" I can't quote stats from another decade. I've got friends that can do that. But I am a huge sports fan. In fact, I enjoy all sports, and when I enjoy a game for five minutes, I'm in it for the whole thing. Plus, I do have some teams I loyally follow. "

" I'm an improviser. I came up doing improv at the U.C.B. Theater in New York for seven years. That's where I started, so improv is what I love. "