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" I and life: The case was settled chivalrously. The opponents parted without having made up. "

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" Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom. "

" I and my public understand each other very well: it does not hear what I say, and I don't say what it wants to hear. "

" Curses on the law! Most of my fellow citizens are the sorry consequences of uncommitted abortions. "

" Journalists write because they have nothing to say, and have something to say because they write. "

" Sex education is legitimate in that girls cannot be taught soon enough how children don't come into the world. "

" Feminine passion is to masculine as an epic is to an epigram. "

" The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant. "

" If the reporter has killed our imagination with his truth, he threatens our life with his lies. "

" Language is the mother of thought, not its handmaiden. "

" Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays. "

" There are people who can never forgive a beggar for their not having given him anything. "

" There is no more unfortunate creature under the sun than a fetishist who yearns for a woman's shoe and has to settle for the whole woman. "

" A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer. "

" Journalist: a person without any ideas but with an ability to express them; a writer whose skill is improved by a deadline: the more time he has, the worse he writes. "

" Virginity is the ideal of those who want to deflower. "

" Democracy divides people into workers and loafers. It makes no provision for those who have no time to work. "

" Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world. "

" I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up. "

" The sound principle of a topsy-turvy lifestyle in the framework of an upside-down world order has stood every test. "

" A child learns to discard his ideals, whereas a grown-up never wears out his short pants. "

" No ideas and the ability to express them - that's a journalist. "

" Corruption is worse than prostitution. The latter might endanger the morals of an individual, the former invariably endangers the morals of the entire country. "

" Christian morality prefers remorse to precede lust, and then lust not to follow. "

" Scandal begins when the police put a stop to it. "

" It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean. "

" To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all. "

" Experiences are savings which a miser puts aside. Wisdom is an inheritance which a wastrel cannot exhaust. "

" Children play soldier. That makes sense. But why do soldiers play children? "

" Education is a crutch with which the foolish attack the wise to prove that they are not idiots. "

" When a man is treated like a beast, he says, 'After all, I'm human.' When he behaves like a beast, he says 'After all, I'm only human.' "