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" I could always take a joke. I could always be the butt of the joke. I could always hand it out. That was just who I was. "

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" I think you can make fun of anything except things people can't help. They can't help their race or their sex or their age, so you ridicule their pretension or their ego instead. You can ridicule ideas - ideas don't have feelings. You can ridicule an idea that someone holds without hurting them. "

" I haven't had my teeth fixed, I haven't had a hair transplant. I haven't had a skin peel, tummy tuck. I've done literally nothing. "

" My dad was a laborer. And he used to get up at 5:30 every morning. He worked for 50 years of his life, in all weathers for, by showbiz standards, petty cash. I remind myself of that when I feel a little bit spoiled or hard done by. "

" I love UFC, vigilante films, and any acts of merciless heroism. "

" What makes 'Derek' a different kind of sitcom - if it is even a sitcom - is its sincerity. "

" Ego is hilarious - especially the vanity of a comedian. As soon as you see one start worrying about how cool he is or about how many stadiums he can fill, he stops being funny. "

" The great thing about being an artist is, we want our work to be seen. "

" When I was growing up, I didn't like cheese. I had to wean myself onto cheese. "

" That's the buzz for me, the creative process. An idea is never as good as when it's in your head. And then it's just how little you ruin it. "

" I like the ironic pomposity of a stand-up comedian. Like all those comedians thinking they can bring down Coca-Cola. They forget to be funny. "

" I was David Bowie-thin up to about 28, and then I discovered food. "

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" Look, just tell me where that lemon came from and I'll shut up and go away. "

" I was never ambitious. I was never ambitious at school. "

" Luckily, even when people are shouting lies, the truth is undamaged. Science doesn't matter what you believe. "

" You should make something. You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say, 'I did that.' "

" Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they're that clever, take them off when they see him coming! "

" My career, I look at it in a Darwinian framework. I'm going to do exactly what I want, and I'm going to survive, or I'm not. I'm not going to pander. I'm not going to change things. I'm not going to do focus groups. I'll live and die by the sword. I don't care. Because I couldn't live with myself. "

" People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same. "

" I'm a fan of the kind of political correctness that is about not promoting prejudice. But some people in America are offended by equality because when you've had privilege for so long, equality feels like oppression. "

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