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" I love UFC, vigilante films, and any acts of merciless heroism. "

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" I was very protective of my privacy. I didn't want people to write bad things about me that weren't true, because that's just not fair. Fifty percent of everything written about me is wrong. "

" People now live their lives like an open wound to be famous - they do bad things because they're rewarded for it. "

" Karl Pilkington has the roundest head, I think, in the world. It's not technically a deformity, but I've never seen anything quite that spherical. "

" As an artist, you want as many people as possible to see your work with no interference. And usually, I've gone onto fringe channels: BBC Two, HBO, Channel 4. "

" I do the Golden Globes because they say I can say what I want. I wouldn't have that at the Oscars. "

" Ego is hilarious - especially the vanity of a comedian. As soon as you see one start worrying about how cool he is or about how many stadiums he can fill, he stops being funny. "

" I don't do karaoke. I don't dance, even at weddings. I'm the grumpy one sitting down drinking wine. "

" A couple of people I knew went to university apart from me, but all the way through I was the smartest kid in the school. That's luck, but I was proud of it. And I was also proud of doing well without trying. As you get older, and it took me a long time to realise it, that's a disgusting attitude, revolting. "

" I always do a little bit of improv. I did some of 'The Office,' a tiny bit in 'Extras,' a bit more in 'Derek.' "

" You can laugh at anything. It depends on the joke. "

" Oh, let's face it: I hate everything in others. "

" Look, just tell me where that lemon came from and I'll shut up and go away. "

" I find comedy easy, and I find drama exciting and tantalising. "

" If I've only got a career if I bring David Brent back, you can have it. "

" I think comedies should be short. I don't want to be self-indulgent; I don't want a two-hour comedy. "

" I'm an optimist. "

" I was David Bowie-thin up to about 28, and then I discovered food. "

" When I see a headline 'Guess who's going out with who?' I don't guess, and I don't click. "

" It's funny because I was offered film parts the first week after 'The Office' went out. I was sent a script, and I said, 'Who's the lead?' They said, 'We want you to be.' And I said: 'Well, who's going to go and see that? You want John Cusack.' "

" There are no Hollywood stars speaking out for the elderly. They're forgotten, bewildered, and I don't think it's because people are cruel or don't care. It's because you don't want to think about your own mortality. I think people don't talk about it enough. "

" I was never ambitious. I was never ambitious at school. "

" Comedy is easy for me, but with drama, I don't know... it's still the Holy Grail. "

" I could always take a joke. I could always be the butt of the joke. I could always hand it out. That was just who I was. "

" All of my friends are oddities. "

" I lift weights. Then I put them down again. "

" My career, I look at it in a Darwinian framework. I'm going to do exactly what I want, and I'm going to survive, or I'm not. I'm not going to pander. I'm not going to change things. I'm not going to do focus groups. I'll live and die by the sword. I don't care. Because I couldn't live with myself. "

" You can be watching the greatest film in the world, and if you hear your neighbor getting into a fight, you're at the window. "

" I don't care whether people say, ''The Office' is rubbish, 'Extras' is worse, 'Flanimals' is a waste of time. He's not funny; he never has been. I hate him.' I don't mind that at all. In fact, not only do I expect it, I celebrate it, because I think the haters are really important. "

" Sometimes being old is used as an insult, which is bizarre because, if you're lucky, that's literally going to happen to you. It's a strange thing to gloat about: being born recently. "

" I'm a fan of the kind of political correctness that is about not promoting prejudice. But some people in America are offended by equality because when you've had privilege for so long, equality feels like oppression. "