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" I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing. "
Norm MacDonald
Politics
Know
Like
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" A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy. "
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" In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it. "
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" With the computer and stuff, the difference between a rich guy and a poor guy, to me, is nothing. Because I don't like big houses, I don't drive a car, so you know, I just live in a small apartment and I have my computer, which is really cool. "
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" I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest. "
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" In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone that can fill a stage with movement and energy, it just looks like a small man on a big stage. "
Norm MacDonald
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" I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead. "
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" You're trying your best to make people laugh; then if you fail, they hate you. But your intent's the same. It's not like you're trying to do evil to them. "
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" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "
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Night
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Funny
" I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it. "
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Movies
Good
Great
" I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl. "
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Funny
Show
Doing
" I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Stuff
Impressions
" It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, 'How would you like to be a horrible actor?' Then you say, 'All right, that sounds good. I'll do that.' "
Norm MacDonald
Good
You
Actor
" I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely be myself. That's what I've always loved the most, of anything. "
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Myself
Show
Always
" Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles. "
Norm MacDonald
Writing
Miles
Hardest
" I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world. "
Norm MacDonald
End
Simplicity
Sports
" I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone. "
Norm MacDonald
Sports
Me
Listen
" If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious. "
Norm MacDonald
Political
Say
Serious
" I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration. "
Norm MacDonald
Collaboration
Writing
Love
" When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape. "
Norm MacDonald
Golf
Good
Kid
" Letterman is very intimidating because he's so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he's a little squeamish about certain things, so you have to always be on guard to please him. "
Norm MacDonald
Things
You
Always
" I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Interest
Motion
" My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters! "
Norm MacDonald
Play
Canada
Fear
" I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that. "
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Loved
Always
Vegas
" All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money. "
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Money
People
" I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser. "
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Think
You
Loser
" In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is. "
Norm MacDonald
Know
You
Who
" Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Whenever
Think
" I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics. "
Norm MacDonald
Much
Know
Anything
" I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals. "
Norm MacDonald
Gay
Broadway
Musicals
" I don't like sports where it's like, you watch a guy on a motorcycle flip or something, then another guy does it, it looks exactly the same, and then at the end one guy gets higher points! It seems so arbitrary; I don't know who's ahead ever. "
Norm MacDonald
Sports
Motorcycle
End