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" All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money. "
Norm MacDonald
Me
Money
People
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" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "
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" I think clever people think that poor people are stupid. "
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" When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous. "
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" Letterman is very intimidating because he's so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he's a little squeamish about certain things, so you have to always be on guard to please him. "
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" I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser. "
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" In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is. "
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" I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely be myself. That's what I've always loved the most, of anything. "
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" When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape. "
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" I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics. "
Norm MacDonald
Much
Know
Anything
" If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious. "
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Serious
" I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that. "
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Loved
Always
Vegas
" I don't really like doing big stand-up. Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time. "
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Work
You
Think
" You're trying your best to make people laugh; then if you fail, they hate you. But your intent's the same. It's not like you're trying to do evil to them. "
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Hate
Evil
Best
" I didn't really want to inject myself into anything political. A lot of people were asking me at the time about Jay and Conan, and I hate doing anything serious. "
Norm MacDonald
Time
Political
People
" I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing. "
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Politics
Know
Like
" In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it. "
Norm MacDonald
Stupid
Out
You
" I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Interest
Motion
" I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration. "
Norm MacDonald
Collaboration
Writing
Love
" You can't love your team without hating another team. "
Norm MacDonald
Hating
Love
Team
" Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Whenever
Think
" I watch political shows for a number of weeks in a row, and all I see are guys arguing with each other over issues I have no idea about. My brother, he loves war-torn places. My dad would always read the paper and tell me I should watch CNN, but I usually wind up watching 'Breaking Bad.' "
Norm MacDonald
Political
Wind
Watch
" So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit and wait by your phone. But it is very frustrating. "
Norm MacDonald
Good
You
Waiting
" I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end, you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world. "
Norm MacDonald
Ending
Love
Simplicity
" I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Stuff
Impressions
" I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone. "
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Sports
Me
Listen
" My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters! "
Norm MacDonald
Play
Canada
Fear
" I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away. "
Norm MacDonald
Away
Funny
Just
" I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it. "
Norm MacDonald
Movies
Good
Great
" I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money. "
Norm MacDonald
Good
Ambition
Money
" In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone that can fill a stage with movement and energy, it just looks like a small man on a big stage. "
Norm MacDonald
Energy
You
Man