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" Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Whenever
Think
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" You can't love your team without hating another team. "
Norm MacDonald
Hating
Love
Team
" My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters! "
Norm MacDonald
Play
Canada
Fear
" It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, 'How would you like to be a horrible actor?' Then you say, 'All right, that sounds good. I'll do that.' "
Norm MacDonald
Good
You
Actor
" In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it. "
Norm MacDonald
Stupid
Out
You
" If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious. "
Norm MacDonald
Political
Say
Serious
" I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl. "
Norm MacDonald
Funny
Show
Doing
" I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. "
Norm MacDonald
Radio
Talk
Sports
" I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Interest
Motion
" I didn't really want to inject myself into anything political. A lot of people were asking me at the time about Jay and Conan, and I hate doing anything serious. "
Norm MacDonald
Time
Political
People
" You're trying your best to make people laugh; then if you fail, they hate you. But your intent's the same. It's not like you're trying to do evil to them. "
Norm MacDonald
Hate
Evil
Best
" When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape. "
Norm MacDonald
Golf
Good
Kid
" I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical. "
Norm MacDonald
Punch
Always
Joke
" So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit and wait by your phone. But it is very frustrating. "
Norm MacDonald
Good
You
Waiting
" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "
Norm MacDonald
Night
Think
Funny
" I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely be myself. That's what I've always loved the most, of anything. "
Norm MacDonald
Myself
Show
Always
" I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone. "
Norm MacDonald
Sports
Me
Listen
" I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing. "
Norm MacDonald
Politics
Know
Like
" I just hate plugs. It just doesn't seem entertaining to me. I've never plugged anything in my life on a talk show ever. I understand people use that vehicle. It's just not very entertaining. "
Norm MacDonald
Life
People
My Life
" I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals. "
Norm MacDonald
Gay
Broadway
Musicals
" There are these showcase clubs where 14 guys will go on in a row and people are laughing at everything, and I'm like - 'I can't laugh that much. That's so weird to me.' "
Norm MacDonald
People
Laugh
Me
" I'm happy doing stand-up, but I'll probably do a television show eventually. If not, I'll delve into this Internet world and decide best how to harness it. What I like best about it is the independent movie style and the ability to just be completely reckless within that world. I like that a lot. I just have to acquaint myself with technology. "
Norm MacDonald
Technology
Style
Myself
" I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away. "
Norm MacDonald
Away
Funny
Just
" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "
Norm MacDonald
Surprises
You
Laugh
" I've been offered political shows before, and I don't know anything about politics and I feel uncomfortable making political opinions - there's consequences to them. I often think I'm wrong, so I really don't like getting in political or religious discussions because of the giant possibility that I might be wrong. "
Norm MacDonald
Political
Politics
Think
" It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude. "
Norm MacDonald
Same
Attitude
Got
" Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? "
Norm MacDonald
Know
You
Think
" I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Stuff
Impressions
" I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at. "
Norm MacDonald
Doing
Good
Just
" When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous. "
Norm MacDonald
Battle
Defeated
Hear
" I don't really like doing big stand-up. Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time. "
Norm MacDonald
Work
You
Think