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" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "

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" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

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" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "

" It's not so much what you learn about Mumbai, it's what you learn about yourself, really. It's a funny old hippie thing, but it's true as well. You find out a lot about yourself and your tolerance, and about your inclusiveness. "

" I love every minute of fatherhood, staying up all night, changing nappies, kids crying, I find it really funny and inspiring. It connects you to the world in a new way. "

" That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. "

" Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. "

" I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. "

" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "

" All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. "

" I have really fond memories of growing up in Chicago, and I always love going back. I still have a lot of really good friends from high school that I go to dinner with. It's kind of become a tradition when I go out there to do a show to give a few friends a call, tell some funny stories about high school and walk down memory lane. "

" It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

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" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. "

" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "

Joan Rivers

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" It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. "

" If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. "

" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "

" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "

" Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. "

" I don't follow anything blindly. I have to know the entire thing, if I have to get in to it. It might sound funny to you, but it's like using English language. I use an English word only when I know its meaning and understand its connotation. You won't hear me say, 'What's up, dude' or anything like that just for the heck of it. "

" I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it. "

" If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny. "

" It's obviously funny to be a meme, so I could be down with it in that regard, but it also belittles one's art. "

" The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things... I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't. "

" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "

" If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "

" I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented. "

" Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot. "