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" In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it. "
Norm MacDonald
Stupid
Out
You
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" So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit and wait by your phone. But it is very frustrating. "
Norm MacDonald
Good
You
Waiting
" I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl. "
Norm MacDonald
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Doing
" There are these showcase clubs where 14 guys will go on in a row and people are laughing at everything, and I'm like - 'I can't laugh that much. That's so weird to me.' "
Norm MacDonald
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" I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest. "
Norm MacDonald
Relationship
Live
Me
" Letterman is very intimidating because he's so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he's a little squeamish about certain things, so you have to always be on guard to please him. "
Norm MacDonald
Things
You
Always
" I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. "
Norm MacDonald
Radio
Talk
Sports
" I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead. "
Norm MacDonald
Business
Great
People
" My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters! "
Norm MacDonald
Play
Canada
Fear
" I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world. "
Norm MacDonald
End
Simplicity
Sports
" I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at. "
Norm MacDonald
Doing
Good
Just
" I don't really like doing big stand-up. Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time. "
Norm MacDonald
Work
You
Think
" I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration. "
Norm MacDonald
Collaboration
Writing
Love
" I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money. "
Norm MacDonald
Good
Ambition
Money
" I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser. "
Norm MacDonald
Think
You
Loser
" A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
People
Think
" I don't like sports where it's like, you watch a guy on a motorcycle flip or something, then another guy does it, it looks exactly the same, and then at the end one guy gets higher points! It seems so arbitrary; I don't know who's ahead ever. "
Norm MacDonald
Sports
Motorcycle
End
" I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone. "
Norm MacDonald
Sports
Me
Listen
" Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? "
Norm MacDonald
Know
You
Think
" Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles. "
Norm MacDonald
Writing
Miles
Hardest
" I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on. "
Norm MacDonald
Talking
Funny
Know
" I just hate plugs. It just doesn't seem entertaining to me. I've never plugged anything in my life on a talk show ever. I understand people use that vehicle. It's just not very entertaining. "
Norm MacDonald
Life
People
My Life
" I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Stuff
Impressions
" I didn't really want to inject myself into anything political. A lot of people were asking me at the time about Jay and Conan, and I hate doing anything serious. "
Norm MacDonald
Time
Political
People
" I'm happy doing stand-up, but I'll probably do a television show eventually. If not, I'll delve into this Internet world and decide best how to harness it. What I like best about it is the independent movie style and the ability to just be completely reckless within that world. I like that a lot. I just have to acquaint myself with technology. "
Norm MacDonald
Technology
Style
Myself
" I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that. "
Norm MacDonald
Loved
Always
Vegas
" I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical. "
Norm MacDonald
Punch
Always
Joke
" If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious. "
Norm MacDonald
Political
Say
Serious
" When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous. "
Norm MacDonald
Battle
Defeated
Hear
" I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it. "
Norm MacDonald
Movies
Good
Great
" Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Whenever
Think