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" I have never been married. I don't know if I will ever marry, though I hope to. When I am asked why I have not married, I explain that my parents have been happily married for 42 years. The bar feels so very high for that kind of commitment. "

Roxane Gay

Parents

Know

I Am

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" In Haiti, beach bodies are simply bodies, and beach reads are simply books, because the beach is all around you. "

" The first amendment makes it clear that we are free to practice religion without government interference. The Constitution also establishes the separation of church and state so that the laws we live by our never guided by religious zeal. "

" You cannot reason with people who don't recognize the humanity in all of us. "

" I believe in the freedom of expression, unequivocally - though, as I have written before, I wish more people would understand that freedom of expression is not freedom from consequence. "

" No one is helped when cultural critics use their voices irresponsibly. "

" Maybe true love isn't out there for me, but I can sublimate my loneliness with the notion that true love is out there for someone. "

" What worries me is that 'post-racial' America is not that different from the Americas that have preceded us, and it might not ever be. "

Roxane Gay

Ever

Might

" If a woman wants to take her husband's name, that's her choice, and I still think she can be feminist while doing that. "

" When I was a child, my parents took my brothers and me to Port-au-Prince during the summer so we could get to know the country of our ancestors. Because Haiti is an island, the beach is everywhere. Haitians are particular, even snobby, about beaches. "

Roxane Gay

Parents

Summer

" I love, but I am not entirely sure how to be loved: how to be seen and known for the utterly flawed woman I am. It demands surrender. It demands acknowledging that I am not perfect, but perhaps I deserve affection anyway. "

" I keep trying to imagine a universe in which too many public figures declaring themselves feminists would be a bad thing. "

" The open letter has always been an interesting rhetorical strategy - a way of delivering a pointed message to a specific individual or group while also reaching a wide audience. "

" It would be easy to assume that the open letter is a symptom of the Internet age. Such is not the case. In 1774, Benjamin Franklin wrote an open letter to the prime minister of Great Britain, Lord North - a satirical call for the imposition of martial law in the colonies. "

" Want nothing but the best for your friends because when your friends are happy and successful, it's probably going to be easier for you to be happy. "

" I don't want the whole of my writing or my intellectual energy given over to race because I have diverse interests. "

" I recognize that I'm human, and the older I get, the more I realize how fallible I am, how fallible we all are. "

Roxane Gay

Older

How

" For celebrities, privacy is utterly nonexistent. You are asked intrusive questions about your personal life. You can be photographed at any moment. "

" That's what is always fascinating about racism - how it is allowed, if not encouraged, to flourish freely in public spaces, the way racism and bigotry are so often unquestioned. "

" I am totally down with disagreement. I don't like Haterade, but disagreement is wonderful. When someone disagrees, we try to reach common ground. That's good. "

" Feminism is just an idea. It's a philosophy. It's about the equality of women in all realms. It's not about man-hating. It's not about being humorless. We have to let go of these misconceptions that have plagued feminism for 40, 50 years. "

" I would love for everyone to be a feminist, but I have to respect people's choices. If you don't want to be a feminist and don't want to claim feminism, that's entirely your right. "

" I think it was really entering my 30s that I began to embrace feminism and call myself a feminist. "

" I think the world is ambivalent about feminism. So I can't blame college students. I think they're reflecting the greater culture's attitude toward feminism. So what I can do is, in ways that are appropriate, advocate for feminism and help the students learn what feminism is about. "

" I was in love with the idea of love, so I created elaborate fictions for my relationships - fictions that allowed me to believe that what any given paramour and I shared looked a lot like love. "

Roxane Gay

Love

Relationships

" 2014 was a year of intense social upheaval. In truth, the same could be said for most every year. There is no standstill in a world filled with so many people, scrambling for so much. "

" We cannot sway extremists with rational thought or with our ideas of right and wrong. "

" A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology. "

" Something outrageous, in the truest sense of the word, is always happening. On social networks, we're always voicing our reactions to these outrageous events. We read essays and 'think pieces' about these outrageous events. We comment on the commentary. We do this because we can. "

" If we look too closely at many historical figures, we won't like what we see. "

" It's disheartening that people think that Donald Sterling is the outlier and that he's the exception and not the rule. "

Roxane Gay

Exception

Rule