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" I make fun of situations and try and find the humor in things, but it's never at the expense of the other guy. "

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" People have asked me a lot of times, because I didn't hit a lot, how long a dozen bats would last me. Depending on the weight and model I was using at that time - I would say eight to 10 cookouts. "

" Before broadcasting for 50-some years, I did TV, played 10 years in the big leagues, won a world championship - and played a big part in that, too, letting the Cardinals inject me with hepatitis. Takes a big man to do that. "

" Any teammate of mine that had a kid and a boy that was capable of playing baseball, I think I set a terrific example of 'Don't do this' and 'Don't do that.' And that's one of the things that I'm most proud of. "

" When I looked at the third base coach, he turned his back on me. "

" Where would I be without baseball? Who am I without baseball? "

" On TV the people can see it. On radio you've got to create it. "

" I think my top salary was maybe in 1966. I made $17,000 and 11 of that came from selling other players' equipment. "

" I spent three of the best years of my life in 10th grade. "

" I was acting when I was playing baseball. "

" The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up. "

" Baseball hasn't forgotten me. I go to a lot of old-timers games and I haven't lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times. "

" After getting out of the service and going into baseball I never wanted to do anything else. "

" Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat. "

" The biggest thrill a ballplayer can have is when your son takes after you. That happened when my Bobby was in his championship Little League game. He really showed me something. Struck out three times. Made an error that lost the game. Parents were throwing things at our car and swearing at us as we drove off. Gosh, I was proud. "

" Sure, women sportswriters look when they're in the clubhouse. Read their stories. How else do you explain a capital letter in the middle of a word? "

" I used to soak my mitts in a bucket of water for about two days. Then I'd put a couple of baseballs in the pocket and wrap it up with a rubber band. Today you don't have to do that, because catchers' mitts are more like first baseman's gloves. "

" I had been playing for a while, and I asked Louisville Slugger to send me a dozen flame treated bats. But when I got it, I realized they had sent me a box of ashes. "

" Career highlights? I had two - I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets. "

" I just grew the hair on my back. Facial hair just wasn't appealing to me. I liked it on my back, though. "

" I didn't get a lot of awards as a player. But they did have a Bob Uecker Day Off for me once in Philly. "

" I knew when my career was over. In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture. "

" I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career - anything for a laugh. "

" Sporting goods companies pay me not to endorse their products. "

" I hit a grand slam off Ron Herbel and when his manager Herman Franks came out to get him, he was bringing Herbel's suitcase. "

" I hope the fans have enjoyed listening as much as I've enjoyed doing the games. I don't ever go to the park where I don't have a good day. I don't like losing. But I don't think I ever go to the park where I have a bad day. I don't think once. "

" I signed a very modest $3,000 bonus with the Braves in Milwaukee. And my old man didn't have that kinda money to put out. "

" Hey, I think it's easy for guys to hit .300 and stay in the big leagues. Hit .200 and try to stick around as long as I did; I think it's a much greater accomplishment. That's hard. "

" In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs. "

" You throw batting practice, you warm up pitchers, you sit and cheer. You do whatever you have to do to stay on the team. "

" I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff. "