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" I was the girl who did everybody's homework, but I was also, like, student council president and yearbook editor and, like, all-around overachiever. Like, I'm disabled, but I can do anything. "
Maysoon Zayid
Student
Homework
Girl
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" I think religion is very personal. I definitely identify as Muslim. I consider myself practicing, but I don't think people who observe me from the outside would think of me as devout, and that doesn't bother me because one of the beauties of Islam is the fact that it is personal: you read the Koran, and what you believe is what you believe. "
Maysoon Zayid
Religion
Believe
Myself
" I am a hardcore foodie, which means I love to eat. I was also born with cerebral palsy, which means I shake all the time - so cooking is not my thing, as I am banned from being around knives and fire. Those who cannot cook, watch, and I am obsessed with cooking shows. "
Maysoon Zayid
I Am
Love
Time
" Today, I am a touring standup comic who cannot stand up. Within three minutes, I begin to wilt, lose my balance, and topple over. I can tap dance and run in heels, but I need to use a wheelchair to navigate airports. "
Maysoon Zayid
I Am
Stand Up
Today
" When I ask people what they think of when they hear the term 'cerebral palsy,' I usually get one of two responses. They either think of a smiling, crumpled child in a wheelchair on a poster or commercials on late night TV with lawyers enticing parents of CP kids to sue the pants off their obstetrician. "
Maysoon Zayid
Child
Think
People
" I'm very much inspired by things that anger me. If I see bigotry, stupidity, or injustice on the news, I'm inspired to find a way to make it into something comedic and relatable. Anger inspires me. Stupidity inspires me. My family inspires me. My accountant inspires me. Everything and anything, really. "
Maysoon Zayid
Anger
Family
Injustice
" I am not naive, and I do realize that racism is alive and well in the United States of America. I am also fully aware that when segregation ended, we didn't all live happily ever after. No one can convince me, however, that life in America would be better if blacks and whites had stayed separate and unequal. "
Maysoon Zayid
Live
Life
I Am
" From fear to bonding with the audience to getting more open - that's what standup is. It humanises you. "
Maysoon Zayid
You
Audience
Bonding
" The Palestine I know is a place where Christians and Muslims are equal. My mother, a Muslim village girl, attended a Catholic girls' school in Ramallah, and my refugee husband spent the Second Intifada side by side with his Christian brothers from Bethlehem. "
Maysoon Zayid
Place
Girl
Husband
" I spent my summers in a war zone because my parents were afraid that if we didn't go back to Palestine every single summer, we'd grow up to be Madonna. "
Maysoon Zayid
War
Afraid
Back
" I believe very deeply in my soul that God paired me and my father purposely and that he knew that my father would give me the strength to be a person with disability that was proud, always held her head high, and was never, ever bitter. "
Maysoon Zayid
Father
Me
Proud
" We have been sold a Muslim boogeyman. We are buying into it, and we are terrified, and that terror is causing people to lash out at comedians like myself or women wearing hijabs, or anyone who seems to defend equality for Muslims worldwide. "
Maysoon Zayid
Like
Women
Equality
" Not wearing hijab has seriously, seriously hurt my career. Mass media wants to see a woman in a veil. But I think it helps me because it makes it easier for my audience to relate to me. I'm not the scary 'other' they keep seeing on 'Fox News.' "
Maysoon Zayid
Me
Career
Media
" If you're disabled, and you're trying to achieve your dreams, accept the fact right now that you have to work 500 times more than the average bear next to you. Stop bucking for sympathy, put on your titanium legs, and run. "
Maysoon Zayid
Dreams
Your Dreams
Work
" My friend and I founded the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival to counter the negative images of Arabs in media. And we always made sure that the comedy came first. So we weren't a bunch of Arabs trying to be funny. We were a bunch of comedians who just happened to be of Arab heritage. "
Maysoon Zayid
Funny
Negative
New York
" I have to tell you, it's very boring, but before I did yoga, I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up. And now I can stand on my head. "
Maysoon Zayid
You
Boring
Stand Up
" March is Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month. Don't feel bad if you did not know that. I didn't, either, until someone recently slapped a picture of a green ribbon and a message wishing me a 'Happy CP Awareness Month' on my Facebook page. I always thought March was Women's History Month. "
Maysoon Zayid
Green
Women
Thought
" If you elect a religious party into power, you no longer have a democracy. "
Maysoon Zayid
You
Democracy
Party
" I'm not trying to represent all Muslim women. I'm trying to give voice to the silent majority. Unfortunately, I'm a bit loony. "
Maysoon Zayid
Silent
Women
Majority
" See, I'm totally fearless. I got my chops in the most, like, dangerous comedy atmosphere. If you can make it in New York, you can really do stand-up anywhere. "
Maysoon Zayid
You
New York
See
" It became very obvious to me that in the United States of America, a fluffy ethnic disabled chick was never going to get a job unless she did stand-up. "
Maysoon Zayid
America
She
Never
" Comedy is free therapy. And if it's done well, the audience and the comic take turns being the doctor as well as the patient. "
Maysoon Zayid
Done
Audience
Comedy
" I think we need a Muslim 'Bachelor' or 'Bachelorette.' I think that's what would be the great equalizer, and that would change everything. "
Maysoon Zayid
Think
Great
Change
" Disability is as visual as race. If a wheelchair user can't play Beyonce, then Beyonce can't play a wheelchair user. "
Maysoon Zayid
Play
Disability
Then
" I'm not here to impose Sharia law, and I'm not here to have a message about disability being inspirational - I'm here to make people laugh. But when I can layer things and make people not only laugh but question, make people not only laugh but be offended... I have to do that. "
Maysoon Zayid
Law
Inspirational
Laugh
" I'll go on '60 Minutes,' and whereas other parents would be like, 'You did a great job. I'm so proud of you,' my mother will be like, 'Your hair - it was not nice.' "
Maysoon Zayid
Hair
Job
Mother
" As a comedian, Trump is comedy gold, and he almost makes my job too easy... the stuff that comes out of his mouth is a precious commodity. "
Maysoon Zayid
Comedy
Mouth
Precious
" In the interest of full disclosure, let me state that I hate Hamas. They embody everything that I, as a human being, am fighting against: oppression, religious rule, and patriarchy. They empower Israel while dividing the Palestinians. "
Maysoon Zayid
Empower
Hate
Me
" I think there's a backlash against minorities in this country and that part of what caused that was the fact that a black man became president. And a certain portion of the privileged population think their privilege is at stake, and they want it back. "
Maysoon Zayid
Black
Privilege
Think
" I think that social media has really empowered bullies because you get to do it from the comfort of your own home, completely anonymously, with no ramifications. "
Maysoon Zayid
Think
You
Home
" I've had the same best friends since I was five years old; they're still my best friends. I was never bullied. I was never made fun of. "
Maysoon Zayid
Old
Same
Best