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" I'm a writer, so I like dissecting things. "

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" The name 'Charmageddon' actually comes from a social technique that I use. Which is, you know, literally obliterating people with charm so that you can get away with saying stuff that no one else could ever get away with, you know? "

" Mainly, when I go see a show, unfortunately it's more industrial espionage than it is going to actually enjoy a show. "

" Someone needs to remind American CEOs that if you can't run a company that is innovative, financially sound and doesn't poison the rest of us, You can't run a company. "

" I'm a futurist. "

" I try to be as ignorant about things as I can. "

" I'm named after a computer and grew up really interested in them. "

" If I have anything, it's tenacity. "

" People think that the arts are optional and they aren't. They teach a level of emotional depth that's equally important to mathematic skill. You can replace some math skills with a calculator if you know how to operate the thing, but there's no calculator for human interaction. "

" Truth be told, ginormous portions have become a pet peeve of mine. "

" The important thing is having genuine regard for your audience. "

" I noticed a lot of guitar players neglected the rhythm part of rhythm guitar and decided I would try to focus in that. "

" It's better to waste money than time. You can always get more money. "

" Anyone who still supports George Bush would still let Michael Jackson babysit their kids. "

" Most 'reality' shows aren't reality at all. They're game shows with no prize. Like 'Rock of Love.' His aren't genuine feelings. Then again, Bob Barker didn't really care whether or not you won the toaster. Sorry to shatter everyone's dreams. "

" If you take anything I say with any seriousness whatsoever, go study Yang style tai chi. It will make you live longer. "

" Political and social change is always a stagger-step process. "

" 'Cold Case Files' and similar shows do bang up business, which points to a certain thirst for details in the viewership, but it seems like all the news chat shows continue to force the myth that Americans can't stand detail and have no interest in an idea that can't fit on a bumper sticker. "

" If you are for freedom and equal rights, which we hear a lot of talk about these days, then you have to include the LGBTQ community in that. And if you're not willing to put your time where your mouth is, then I don't know quite what you mean by commitment in your life. "

" I'm as heterosexual as any person need be. I'm open about my relationships - or lack thereof - in my own life, because I want to make the case that gay isn't contagious. It's not something that you can catch or learn or choose. "

" There is never hesitation about doing stand-up. It's just me doing my thing. "

" Jerry Springer' is just kind of the chubby, redneck version of throwing Christians to the lions. "

" I've always said that I benefit, as an actor, from not having the illusion of security. "

" Vegas has the Whitman's Sampler of audiences. They come from all different places, so you have to do some crowd psychology. You have to find the heartbeat of the room. It doesn't shift my jokes, but it shifts my timing and my attention. "

" I'm a futurist. Technology is our way out of almost every problem we have. Technology can create a new sense of community. "

" Other kids would sneak out of the house to go to parties and do untoward things. I was sneaking out to do standup downtown. It paid off. "

" People only have guilty pleasures when they crowbar pleasure down their throat all the time and then they reach for the brownies. Then you should feel guilty because you're killing your body and that's something to be guilty about. "

" If 'Airplane!' comes on, it's like a comfort film. You can always guarantee a laugh watching that movie. "

" If I could sew comedy and philosophy together, then I've done a good job. The primary goal is always going to be laughs and the secondary goal is always going to be saying something without it being a lecture. I think it's important to have substance for what you're saying. "

" I like struggle. "

" It's better to waste money, than it is to waste time. You can always get more money. "