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" Landing on 'Morning Joe' wasn't a fluke. I was a poli sci major in college. I interned at the CBS political unit, covered conventions. "

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" My dad is so unique in what he does. It's not like I'm taking a torch from him and doing his thing. I hope I've carried from him a little bit of a sense of irony, a little bit of a wink. "

" Contrary to conventional wisdom, the blue blazer's a bit of a loose cannon. A suit decided long ago what it wanted to be, and it doesn't want to hear your ideas, but a blue blazer only got around to half the job. So it leaves it up to you to find its bottoms. Gray slacks, blue jeans, patterns, white pants and different blue shades all work. "

" Like a lot of kids, I had a Superman cake or different theme cakes, but then I hit the age where I think my mom thought I was ready for the German chocolate cake that she makes for my dad. Just the sight of that, the taste of that frosting, just reminds me of being at home with my mom and my dad and my sister and my friends. "

" I guess it turns out choosing your life partner from a group of men trying to get their break in show business by sitting around shirtless in a swimming pool while cameras watch around the clock isn't the path to a soulmate after all. "

" If you're one of the fortunate few on this Earth with a pass to enter the gates of Augusta National on Masters Sunday, you don't leave early. You just don't. If it's a Masters Sunday when Tiger Woods is near the top of the leader board, you really don't leave early. "

" My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door. "

" The thing about me is that I don't judge my audience. I welcome. It is a big tent. "

" Chris Rock is a very funny man. "

" I'm not a coffee drinker, so my drink is kind of like a girlie skim chai latte. I'm not proud of it, but it's really good. "

" If the relentless personal maintenance plan has taken over your life, give it a rest. "

" An ideal day starts with putting on a good, smart, fun show where I learn something and ends with me fending off atomic knee drops from my two kids in our no-holds-barred pillow fight/steel cage matches. They are a ruthless tag team. "

" I hate to make this point too often, but imagine for a moment George W. Bush were on his sixth vacation, and he was asked about Iraq, and he said 'I'm buying shrimp.' You think that wouldn't be a headline everywhere? "

" I was a big Dave Winfield guy growing up. "

" I can't say for sure where I was headed the first time my mom put a blue blazer on me. Church, probably. West Side Presbyterian in Ridgewood, New Jersey, specifically, where my blazer was paired with a clip-on tie and a pair of khakis for a Sunday morning with my fellow congregants. "

" I do remember vividly sometime after puberty when I'd answer the phone at home and the callers began to say, 'Hi, Bill!' That's when I knew Dad and I had the same voice. "

" Do whatever you want to do in the privacy of your own home. "

" I think President Obama has always been a little bit underestimated. Some of the things he's done with foreign policy have been unassailable. Getting us out of Iraq, killing Osama Bin Laden. "

" I have a simple plan to solve the economic crisis. Give every American a $100 credit to the dog track of their choice. I have found the puppies to be a reliable source of income with a consistent rate of return. "

" Everyone worries about their kids, of course, but you can drive yourself nuts thinking about all the horrible things in the world - and many, many people do. I believe life is to be lived and not survived. "

" The nice thing about 'Morning Joe' is that I do get to do serious news sometimes. "

" Golf is the only sport where watching the game is arguably as grueling physically as playing it. "

" In a tradition second in wonderful absurdity only to 60-year-old baseball managers wearing uniforms and spikes in the dugout, golf spectators come dressed ready to play 18. "

" It's fun to deliver material on live TV because it's more off-the-cuff, but I like writing better. You really can measure the joke, think an extra second and nail the right reference. "

" My daughter will be reading about Pat Buchanan in a history book someday, and I am hanging out fist-bumping with him and joking with him. "

" Kanye is going to have to decide early whether or not he's a Baby Bjorn guy, because the minute you put on that Baby Bjorn, there's no turning back. It's like buying a minivan. You lose a little piece of yourself when you get that Baby Bjorn. "

" Bachelor parties would pay a lot of money to hire Pat Buchanan to come. "

" I am one of the five best parallel parkers in the United States of America. Dead serious. It's to the point now where I look back when pulling into the spot only as a formality. "

" There's a lot to be said for going to baseball games for a living. "

" High on the list of things I've been meaning to do since I moved to New York in 2004 is going up to a Columbia University football game. "

" It doesn't matter if you're famous or infamous. All that matters is you're a celebrity. "