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" My daughter will be reading about Pat Buchanan in a history book someday, and I am hanging out fist-bumping with him and joking with him. "

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" High on the list of things I've been meaning to do since I moved to New York in 2004 is going up to a Columbia University football game. "

" It doesn't matter if you're famous or infamous. All that matters is you're a celebrity. "

" I don't know that I 'look up' to them, but in our predictably partisan media world, I admire journalists who are genuinely nonpartisan and totally fearless in their work - people who have no interest in being invited to the cocktail party. I don't agree with everything he writes, but Glenn Greenwald comes to mind. "

" Watching 'CSI: Miami' is like watching 'Teen Jeopardy!' or doing the crossword puzzle in 'People' magazine. It makes you feel smart even when you're not. "

" There's a lot to be said for going to baseball games for a living. "

" It's fun to deliver material on live TV because it's more off-the-cuff, but I like writing better. You really can measure the joke, think an extra second and nail the right reference. "

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" My dad is so unique in what he does. It's not like I'm taking a torch from him and doing his thing. I hope I've carried from him a little bit of a sense of irony, a little bit of a wink. "

" I hate to make this point too often, but imagine for a moment George W. Bush were on his sixth vacation, and he was asked about Iraq, and he said 'I'm buying shrimp.' You think that wouldn't be a headline everywhere? "

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