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" I'm way too famous and rich to be on a dating app, but if I get very desperate by the time I'm 60, I'll go on Tinder. Or I'll go on 'Millionaire Matchmaker'; I'll call Patti Stanger. "

Lisa Lampanelli

Rich

Way

Famous

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" A bachelor's life is no life for a single man. "

" I put my family first, and that's why for a long time, you didn't see me dating or hear about me dating or hear about me out. I had other focuses in my life, and that would be my family and my work. "

Kimora Lee Simmons

Time

Life

" Well, dating has become a sport and not about finding the person you love. "

" When you're young and dating someone, just play it safe and don't try so hard. "

" I think that we all have to have that rite of passage of dating the tortured artist who seems cooler than we think we are; we aspire to be like them, and we're excited that somebody is turning us on to new music or a new lifestyle. "

" I'm doin' something different. I mean, I talk a little bit about race and interracial dating, but it's not the heart of my act. I just try to do what I think is funny; there's no huge message or through line. "

" So if I was dating somebody now and the relationship didn't work out, I'd take that as failing. "

" I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever. "

" It's ironic, really. Guys should be excited that I got Kristen Bell. If Brad Pitt gets Kristen Bell, it's like, 'Well, of course he did.' With me, it should be, 'Oh good, a normal-looking guy got her. Maybe I'll get me a Kristen Bell.' But guys hate my guts for always dating women I have no right to be with. "

Dax Shepard

Always

Hate

" Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with. "

Garry Shandling

Hurt

Need

" If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends. "

" Mum left school at 15, and after a few years of modelling and dating jazz musicians, was married by 21 to my father, Mike Taylor, a journalist on the 'Daily Mirror.' They had my brother and me pretty quickly and had split up by the time I was two. I don't really have any memories of them as a couple. "

" Just ask for what you want. I requested a six-month break from Facebook to visit my parents; I asked to switch projects. I told my husband it was time to get married after six years of dating! "

" I was bullied. I was a bit of a geek. Good-looking guys were off-limits. I didn't start dating until I was 18. "

" Anyone who has to have the word 'charming' in their name probably isn't - just take a look at any dating site where men use 'prince charming' in their description. "

" I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book. "

" Dating in the closet is torture. It's one of the most difficult things, especially if you are completely closeted. "

" I like the bad-boy types. Generally the guy I'm attracted to is the guy in the club with all the tattoos and nail polish. He's usually the lead singer in a punk band and plays guitar. But my serious boyfriends are relatively clean-cut, nice guys. So it's strange. "

" When I was a boy, I took over the shed at the bottom of the garden and displayed fossils and potsherds and coins in it and proudly called it my 'museum'. I charged people to come in, and my most prized possession was a Saracen shield dating from the Crusades. "

Kevin Crossley-Holland

Garden

People

Museum

" I'm currently single, so I want to have fun! As for what guys need to do to date out of their league, it's all about the swagger. If you have confidence, you can get pretty much any girl. "

" I'm quite sensitive to women. I saw how my sister got treated by boyfriends. I read this thing that said when you are in a relationship with a woman, imagine how you would feel if you were her father. That's been my approach, for the most part. "

" The earliest example known to me of replaced body parts is exemplified by a Mayan skull dating back to 1400 BC. In this skull, false teeth made of stone had been implanted. "

" I came out when I was 13 and started to become more open about liking boys, and I still ended up dating girls and boys. It seems to be the natural progression from where I was, but it wasn't a shock to anyone that I was close with. "

Michael J. Willett

Natural

Open

" Sometimes we put so much effort into things we're doing, like dating or wedding planning, that we don't stop to think about whether or not we even want the results of that effort. "

" My mum wants me to get married - and have children, of course. She's met Gaga; we've been dating a while. We're in a committed relationship, and I'm really happy in my relationship. I'm a very lucky guy. As far as having more of a domestic life and settling down into my relationship, we have to see what happens. "

" When I left Tinder, I had no intention of getting back into the dating industry. What I ultimately wanted to do was start this contagious complimentary social network, where kindness was at the helm. "

" I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. "

" I'm opening up my heart to the idea of dating. It's funny - my friends would always come to me for romantic advice. I know nothing, and things have changed since I was dating in high school! I'm really trying hard to spend this time working on myself. "

" I am just scared to death of online dating. "

Michaela Watkins

Dating

Scared

" Who would want to get back together with Taylor Swift after having dated her? I'm sure dating her is like talking to a white sheet of paper with a little bit of vanilla ice cream on it that doesn't say anything. "