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All Quotes by author - Emily V. Gordon

" After my divorce, I took some time off from having a romantic life to begin the tough work of figuring out where I'd gone wrong and what on Earth I could do to understand how to be a whole person in a relationship. "

" A lot of new stepparents fall into the trap of letting children disobey household expectations in order to gain favor with them. "

" A lot of people end up getting married more out of expectation than out of passion for each other, but if your options have ever been, 'We either get married or break up,' be careful. Marriage should be a new addition you add to the house that is your relationship, not the structure you impose on the house once it's already built. "

" As any daytime judge show can tell you, spending someone's money or taking their stuff because they hurt your feelings is not justified. "

" As my marriage was slowly dissolving into silent meals and awkward nights of avoiding conversation, I started pondering an unmarried future and wondered if I'd ever be able to hack being single again. "

" Awkward conversations are painful, but they're way easier than divorce, resentment, and heartbreak. "

" Balanced, passionate, grounded people are the ones whose careers are ultimately the most successful. "

" Being completely independent doesn't make you a strong woman - it's being strong enough to trust yourself in other people's hands that takes guts. "

" Betrayal can be extremely painful, but it's up to you how much that pain damages you permanently. "

" Burlesque dancing didn't solve all my post-divorce problems, but what it did do was force me to court myself for a little while. "

" Cheating is very rarely about the actual act of being with another person. "

" Dealing with wedding stuff is a bit of a double-edged sword - it seems that divorcees are expected to either burn it all on the front lawn, tears silently coursing down their faces, or keep the stuff, shrine-like, concealed somewhere in their homes. "

" Divorce is one of the most destructive, emotionally traumatic experiences a human being can go through, no matter if you're the instigator or the recipient. It's hard, and it hurts, and it takes a long time to feel normal again. "

" Don't expect yourself to immediately love your stepchildren. In fact, you may hate them for a bit. "

" Don't sacrifice alone time with your spouse just because the kids seem needy. A united front requires adult time alone, so put it in the calendar and make it a priority. A house cannot stand on a shaky foundation. "

" Do remember to pick your battles when you start parenting your stepchildren. "

" Everybody's got baggage, and not just the classic, 'Oh I have so much baggage,' but everyone comes with so much context, and you're not just dating a person: you're dating all their context, too. Part of relationships is negotiating each other's context. "

" Experiences don't make us damaged goods; it's what we do with those experiences that matters. "

" Far from 'rotting my brain,' as I was often told would happen, TV helped me feel less alone at a time when I spent so much time alone. "

" For so long, TV consisted of a limited number of shows a year, and those shows had to appeal to as many people as possible. The joy of TV now is that shows don't have to be broad anymore - they can be small, weird, and niche. "

" Get married wherever you like, make accommodations for the people you love so they can attend, and forget about the people who can't. "

" Ghosts of Marriages Past can haunt many aspects of a new relationship - your expectations of what a man should do, how you behave in conflict, your ideas of how commitment should look - they can even make your new man look untrustworthy when he's really behaving normally. "

" Hindsight is always 20/20, but I imagine a lot of married and divorced people have insights to share about how they felt during their engagement. "

" Holiday food is rich and indulgent. Going-home-to-see-family food is richer and even more indulgent. "

" I always tell people, 'Take a class or volunteer.' It really helps you get out of your own little pocket of people you always see and gets you exposed to a new group of people. "

" I am fairly convinced that people plan destination weddings because they would actually like to elope but want to have given you the option to attend. "

" I am somewhat grateful to the disintegration of my marriage for teaching me a lot about myself and about relationships, and though I wish it hadn't been such a taxing lesson, I wouldn't change a thing. "

" I definitely think, when you're a teenager, it's more forgiving to talk to strangers and go up to people at a mall or whatever. "

" I don't remember being put into the coma, but I do have a lot of weird memories from being under. This may be because I was in a coma via medicine rather than trauma. That time period played out for me as one long rambling dream where I was at a hospital to visit my boyfriend, who I thought was in an accident. "

" I'd watch shows like 'The Kids in the Hall' or 'Twin Peaks,' and I'd see weird people being celebrated and appreciated without compromising their weirdness. On 'The Facts of Life,' I'd see girls who were pudgy, beautiful, popular, tomboyish - many ways of being female - and I'd feel quietly reassured. "

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