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" So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit and wait by your phone. But it is very frustrating. "
Norm MacDonald
Good
You
Waiting
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" I just hate plugs. It just doesn't seem entertaining to me. I've never plugged anything in my life on a talk show ever. I understand people use that vehicle. It's just not very entertaining. "
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" I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals. "
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" I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. "
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" In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is. "
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" I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing. "
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" I miss seeing real comics, Shecky Greene and Buddy Hackett, those types. I like straight stand-up, talking about the Olympics and why I feel obligated to watch them. 'Why am I watching archery at 4 in the afternoon?' "
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" I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end, you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world. "
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" I don't really like doing big stand-up. Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time. "
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" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "
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Night
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" I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at. "
Norm MacDonald
Doing
Good
Just
" Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. "
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" I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely be myself. That's what I've always loved the most, of anything. "
Norm MacDonald
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" When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape. "
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Golf
Good
Kid
" I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that. "
Norm MacDonald
Like
Interest
Motion
" I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money. "
Norm MacDonald
Good
Ambition
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" You can't love your team without hating another team. "
Norm MacDonald
Hating
Love
Team
" I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics. "
Norm MacDonald
Much
Know
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" My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters! "
Norm MacDonald
Play
Canada
Fear
" I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical. "
Norm MacDonald
Punch
Always
Joke
" I think clever people think that poor people are stupid. "
Norm MacDonald
Clever
Stupid
Think
" I've been offered political shows before, and I don't know anything about politics and I feel uncomfortable making political opinions - there's consequences to them. I often think I'm wrong, so I really don't like getting in political or religious discussions because of the giant possibility that I might be wrong. "
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" It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude. "
Norm MacDonald
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" Letterman is very intimidating because he's so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he's a little squeamish about certain things, so you have to always be on guard to please him. "
Norm MacDonald
Things
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Always
" With the computer and stuff, the difference between a rich guy and a poor guy, to me, is nothing. Because I don't like big houses, I don't drive a car, so you know, I just live in a small apartment and I have my computer, which is really cool. "
Norm MacDonald
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Small
" You're trying your best to make people laugh; then if you fail, they hate you. But your intent's the same. It's not like you're trying to do evil to them. "
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Hate
Evil
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" I didn't really want to inject myself into anything political. A lot of people were asking me at the time about Jay and Conan, and I hate doing anything serious. "
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" I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away. "
Norm MacDonald
Away
Funny
Just
" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "
Norm MacDonald
Surprises
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" I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it. "
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Movies
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" I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest. "
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