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" Media, the plural of mediocrity. "

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" Trump is larger than life. "

" Football is a game designed to keep coal miners off the streets. "

" Complainant received immediate lacerations of the credibility. "

" The number one rule of thieves is that nothing is too small to steal. "

" I busted out of the place in a hurry and went to a saloon and drank beer and said that for the rest of my life I'd never take a job in a place where you couldn't throw cigarette butts on the floor. I was hooked on this writing for newspapers and magazines. "

" Politicians attend dinners at hotels with contractors. Bankers discuss interest rates at lunch. "

" Don't call me a journalist; I hate the word. It's pretentious! "

" Those of Manhattan are the brokers on Wall Street and they talk of people who went to the same colleges; those from Queens are margin clerks in the back offices and they speak of friends who live in the same neighborhood. "

" Speaks cheerful English and in the past has written this language with a paintbrush that talks. "

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" When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place. "

" I don't know any other columnists, and I don't know what they do. I work the single! And nobody does what I do, anyway. "

" Newspapers are so boring. How can you read a newspaper that starts with a 51-word lead sentence? "

" Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. "

" Politics, where fat, bald, disagreeable men, unable to be candidates themselves, teach a president how to act on a public stage. "

" You can get some work, some jobs that will bore you until you're dead. So you better look for something that's got a little tingle to it. "

" I played football. I played trumpet. I could draw. "

" Some time ago, I made a basic decision about the way in which I was going to live the little of life available to me The idea was to place myself in the presence of only those people who give off the warm, friendly vibrations which soothe the coating on my nerves. Life never was long enough to provide time for enemies. "

" Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers. "

" I'm the best person ever to have a column in this business. There's never been anybody in my league. "

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" Don't try to tell Namath's people on First Avenue about Babe Ruth, because they don't even know the name. In fact, with the young, you can forget all of baseball. The sport is gone. But if you ever have seen Ruth, and then you see Namath, you know there is very little difference. "