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" Newspapers are so boring. How can you read a newspaper that starts with a 51-word lead sentence? "

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" Don't try to tell Namath's people on First Avenue about Babe Ruth, because they don't even know the name. In fact, with the young, you can forget all of baseball. The sport is gone. But if you ever have seen Ruth, and then you see Namath, you know there is very little difference. "

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" I'm the best person ever to have a column in this business. There's never been anybody in my league. "

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" Speaks cheerful English and in the past has written this language with a paintbrush that talks. "