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" One of the things I said was that I had been in great hopes that I would become a better person as a result of confronting my own mortality, but it actually never happened. I didn't become a better person. "

Molly Ivins

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" And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me. "

" Those who imagine polygamy to be handy cover for promiscuity are apparently off the mark. If polygamists share one quality, it is that, polygamy aside, they are extraordinarily strait-laced. "

Molly Ivins

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" Fourteen-year-old boys are not part of a well-regulated militia. Members of wacky religious cults are not part of a well-regulated militia. Permitting unregulated citizens to have guns is destroying the security of this free state. "

" Racists seem obsessed by the idea that illegal workers - the hardest-working, poorest people in America - are somehow getting away with something, sneaking goodies that should be for Americans. You can always avoid this problem by having no social services. This is the refreshing Texas model, and it works a treat. "

" What I've been telling people is that the doctors are gaining on cancer very rapidly. It's almost become a chronic disease, like diabetes - something you can treat. It doesn't go away, and you're not well in the sense of being over it, but you go on and live your life. "

" I've said it before: War brings out the patriotic bullies. In World War I, they went around kicking dachshunds on the grounds that dachshunds were 'German dogs.' They did not, however, go around kicking German shepherds. "

Molly Ivins

World

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" I really think the single most important thing to remember about trying to fix the schools is that there is no such thing as an instant result. "

" As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office. "

" I'm sorry to say cancer can kill you, but it doesn't make you a better person. "

" I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. "

" All my life, I've been sort of a professional optimist, full of good cheer about matters political and journalistic. I always thought I'd get older and become an unnaturally cheerful old fart. But it's not happening. "

" I couldn't find any way to tell the truth in a regular newspaper. "

" If Bush does make it to the White House, he and Laura should have Ken Starr over for dinner. "

" Losing a part of a breast or all of one or both has, obviously, serious psychological consequences. "

" In Congress, there are some who are unashamed to aspire to eloquence, even to scholarship, but the only state legislator I ever knew who would not join in the mispronounceciation of a word for the sake of camaraderie with her fellows was former State Senator and Congresswoman Barbara Jordan. "

" I left the 'Trib' in 1970 with the feeling that I would never have a career in establishment media of any kind. "

" Jimmy Carter was unquestionably the most moral president of my lifetime, but he wasn't much of a president. "

" Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. "

" I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years. "

" Raise hell - big time. I want y'all to get out there and raise hell about damned near everything. My word, there's a world out there that needs fixing. Get out there and get after it. "

" All anyone needs to enjoy the state legislature is a strong stomach and a complete insensitivity to the needs of the people. As long as you don't think about what that peculiar body should be doing and what it actually is doing to the quality of life in Texas, then it's all marvelous fun. "

" Even for southerners, Arkansans are amazingly friendly and extend hospitality to all strangers with astonishing openness. You couldn't find a pretension in that state if you hunted from Jonesboro to El Dorado. "

" Rush Limbaugh's pathetic abuse of logic, his absurd pomposity, his relentless self-promotion, his ridiculous ego - now those, friends, are appropriate targets for satire. "

" When I was first diagnosed, I went out, as a book person, and got some books on cancer and looked up my version of the disease. It said that I had about a 5 percent chance of survival. I said, 'Gosh, well, it's been a good run.' What I didn't realize is that in the two years since those books were published, things had shifted dramatically. "

" Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse. "

" When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel - it's vulgar. "

" Guns do kill. Unlike cars, that is all they do. "

Molly Ivins

Unlike

Guns

" Some days, I'd feel better with Punxsutawney Phil in the Oval Office - at least he doesn't lie about the weather. "

" Truly, if you can't cover a five-car pile-up on Route 128, you should not be covering a presidential campaign. "

" I worked through cancer twice. I probably worked through it too much the last time. This time, I found myself saying, 'Well, I don't feel well. I think I'll take the day off.' I think I did that even a little bit more than I needed to. "