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" I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. "
Molly Ivins
Always
Than
Serious
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" The trouble with capitalism as a system is that only those who have or can get capital can make it work for them, and that leaves out damn near all of us. "
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" We liberals do sometimes forsake our vows of compassion for all mankind. "
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Liberals
Sometimes
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" Men are only as loyal as their options. "
Bill Maher
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Only
" I have really fond memories of growing up in Chicago, and I always love going back. I still have a lot of really good friends from high school that I go to dinner with. It's kind of become a tradition when I go out there to do a show to give a few friends a call, tell some funny stories about high school and walk down memory lane. "
Kaskade
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" Some days, I'd feel better with Punxsutawney Phil in the Oval Office - at least he doesn't lie about the weather. "
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" It is the stories we don't get, the ones we miss, pass over, fail to recognize, don't pick up on, that will send us to hell. "
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" I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people. "
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Speak
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" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "
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People
" It's been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I'm like, 'Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?' Because I'm trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up. "
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" Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs. "
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" I like children - fried. "
W. C. Fields
Like
Children
Fried
" It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America. "
Molly Ivins
Struggle
America
History
" I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. "
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Funny
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" All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. "
Lewis Black
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" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "
Fred Allen
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Funny
Him
" There is never anyone quite so wonderful as the people who were seniors when you were a freshman. "
Molly Ivins
People
Seniors
Wonderful
" The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. "
Jimmy Fallon
Tell
Driver
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" If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? "
Robin Williams
Psychic
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" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "
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" I never liked you, and I always will. "
Samuel Goldwyn
Never
You
Will
" I really think the single most important thing to remember about trying to fix the schools is that there is no such thing as an instant result. "
Molly Ivins
Think
Fix
Important
" Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. "
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Happiness
Study
Research
" There are times a country is so tired of bull that only the truth can provide relief. "
Molly Ivins
Times
Bull
Truth
" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "
Erma Bombeck
Keeps
Gift
Giving
" Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about him is that he's very funny and very smart. "
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Smart
Together
Funny
" I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. "
Unknown
Drink
Fish
Never
" Although I have guitars all around, and I pick them up occasionally and write a tune and make a record, I don't really see myself as a musician. It may seem a funny thing to say. It's just like, I write lyrics, and I make up songs, but I'm not a great lyricist or songwriter or producer. It's when you put all these things together - that makes me. "
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Together
" When a dramatic actor does a funny film, people are like, 'Wonderful! I didn't know he was funny!' But when it flips, people can get really thrown by it. "
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" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "
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Beach
Where
Miami
" I spent my girlhood as a Clydesdale among thoroughbreds. "
Molly Ivins
Spent
Among