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" Success is entirely accessible, even if you happen to be a huge screw-up 95 percent of the time. "

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" Psychology is the only necessary skill for running for president. Trump knows psychology. "

" Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier. "

" For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays. "

" You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. "

" I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing. "

" One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead. "

" Home is pretty utopian. "

" Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it. "

" If you have a reasonable system for pursuing success, it can survive a lot of face-plants along the way. That knowledge makes success seem accessible. If you think successful people have some sort of superpower or special connections, why try? "

" The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. "

" Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. "

" I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information. "

" Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. "

" I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else. "

" If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. "

" When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable. "

" I get mail; therefore I am. "

" Beware of advice about successful people and their methods. For starters, no two situations are alike. Your dreams of creating a dry-cleaning empire won't be helped by knowing that Thomas Edison liked to take naps. "

" If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? "

" You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me. "

" If your current get-rich project fails, take what you learned and try something else. Keep repeating until something lucky happens. The universe has plenty of luck to go around; you just need to keep your hand raised until it's your turn. It helps to see failure as a road and not a wall. "

" I have an endless stream of suggestions coming in from readers who are in cubicles. That keeps me going. "

" In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks. "

" Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams. "

" My failed corporate career became the fodder for the 'Dilbert' comic. Once it became clear I would not be climbing any higher on the corporate ladder, it freed me to mock managers without worrying that it would stall my career. Most failures create some sort of unplanned freedom. I took full advantage of mine. "

" I'm a poor artist. Through brute force, I brought myself up to mediocre. I've never taken a writing class, but I can write okay. "

" I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.' "

" The only risk of failure is promotion. "

" I try to avoid giving advice. "

" I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff. "