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" I try to avoid giving advice. "

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" Before 'Dilbert,' I tried to become a computer programmer. In the early days of computing, I bought this big, heavy, portable computer for my house. I spent two years nights and weekends trying to write games that I thought I would sell. Turns out I'm not that good a programmer, so that was two years that didn't work out. "

" Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. "

" My investments have been hurt. "

" I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else. "

" Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free. "

" Home is pretty utopian. "

" Psychology is the only necessary skill for running for president. Trump knows psychology. "

" I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist, but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life. "

" Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. "

" The only risk of failure is promotion. "

" I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message. "

" I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff. "

" I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately. "

" The world is like a reverse casino. In a casino, if you gamble long enough, you're certainly going to lose. But in the real world, where the only thing you're gambling is, say, your time or your embarrassment, then the more stuff you do, the more you give luck a chance to find you. "

" There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. "

" If you have a reasonable system for pursuing success, it can survive a lot of face-plants along the way. That knowledge makes success seem accessible. If you think successful people have some sort of superpower or special connections, why try? "

" If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you may wake up each day with failure in mind because the goal is hard to reach, and you are progressing only by small amounts. It takes up all your willpower. I recommend that instead of a goal, you have a system. "

" Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier. "

" It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation. "

" Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. "

" If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? "

" In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants. "

" If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. "

" Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. "

" I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw. "

" Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information. "

" I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet. "

" If you drill down on any success story, you always discover that luck was a huge part of it. You can't control luck, but you can move from a game with bad odds to one with better odds. You can make it easier for luck to find you. The most useful thing you can do is stay in the game. "

" For most people, it's easy to be passionate about things that are working out, and that distorts our impression of the importance of passion. I've been involved in several dozen business ventures over the course of my life, and each one made me excited at the start. You might even call it passion. "

" The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it. "