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" There are selves too big for one person to contain. You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves. They are the self, as it were, itself. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Nothing
Big
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" Kids are disorganized. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Disorganized
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" When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospital. and another bill, which is tacked onto your bill, to cover the medical expenses of someone who doesn't have a job and/or insurance and can't pay the hospital. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Job
You
Hospital
" If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Health
Great
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" When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he's saving a parking place. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Place
Person
Parking
" If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have to go all the way overseas to be mystified - we can be mystified right at home. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Family
Friends
Home
" You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Growing
You
Children
" The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Get
You
Two
" We did not become libertarians because we are altruists. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Because
Become
Did
" People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Angry
America
Anger
" The only advantage to being a middle-aged man is that when you put on a jacket and tie, you're the Scary Dad. Never mind that no one has had an actually scary dad since 1966. The visceral fear remains. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Scary
You
Fear
" Even the dumber parts of our government are not run by idiots. These are ordinary people like us, doing a job. By and large, they're trying to do it as well as they can. Or at least as often as people in the private sector try to do as well as they can. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Doing
Job
" Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Insurance
Likes
Health
" Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hate
Carter
Communist
" Liberals want to live downtown. All over America - in New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Georgetown - there are crowds of liberals living in the gritty, ugly, dirty neighborhoods sensible people are trying to flee. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Live
People
Ugly
" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Situation
Funny
Saying
" I don't mind America becoming a Third World country. The weather is better in the Third World than it is where I live in New Hampshire. And household help will be much cheaper. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Mind
New
America
" Like it or not, I've come to appreciate soccer. Any kid can play, which fits with the inclusive agenda of progressive schools. Although the corollary to 'any kid can play' is that every kid must play because there is an iron grip to the warm hug of progressive inclusionism. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Soccer
Hug
Kid
" If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Heard
Death
Somebody
" When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing that.' They're on your side. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Saying
Doing
Side
" We have the British motor industry as a role model for what happens when you try to save an industrial dinosaur. Britain was the first country to industrialise and the first to de-industrialise. We should learn from this. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Role Model
Learn
" 'You're stupid,' is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Critics
President
" Children live in the only successful Marxist state ever created: the family. 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need' is the family's practice as well as its theory. Even with today's scattershot patterns of marriage and parenting, a family is collectivist to a more than North Korean degree. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Today
Marriage
Family
" There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Point Of View
View
More
" There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Race
Religion
Two
" I think the Baby Boom does have a tendency to get its nose in everything. The Greatest Generation had a better tendency to leave people alone. Of course, they also had a better tendency to hate everybody's guts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Better
Baby
Alone
" Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Domino
Pizza
Wealth
" There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Problems
Environmental
Change
" The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sin
Politics
Fairness
" If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Would
Selling
" I'm a political conservative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Conservative
Political