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" Why is it you feel like a dope if you laugh alone, but that's usually how you end up crying? "

Chuck Palahniuk

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" Mr. Olsen in the fifth grade made me want to be a writer. He said, 'Chuck, you do this really well. And this is much better than setting fires, so keep it up.' That made me a writer. "

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" Maybe it's our sins that give God consolation when he finally has to give us cancer. "

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" I always thought I'd write when I retired - when I turned 65. "

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" My characters tend to be more dynamic because they're reaching that point in their lives where their old way of being is breaking down. They're conflicted by the idea that they don't know what's next. You could call it Kierkegaard's leap of faith, when you get tired of sort of reinventing yourself on a very superficial level. "

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" Every decade, we get a stunning collection of dynamic, heartbreaking short stories. In the past, those collections came from Barry Hannah, Mark Richard, and Thom Jones. "

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" Why do the lives of writers seem so... train-wrecky? "

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" At school I was lazy. But I started working when I was 15, washing dishes at a local truck stop restaurant. I was really, really bored with school, and I wanted to get a job as fast as I could. School was just so easy. There was just no challenge to it. "

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" Personal identity seems like it's just such an American archetype, from Holly Golightly re-inventing herself in 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' to Jay Gatsby in 'The Great Gatsby.' It seems like the sort of archetypal American issue. If you're given the freedom to be anything, or be anyone, what do you do with it? "

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" I haven't had television since 1991, and it definitely influences me. As a child of the 1970s, I couldn't hold a narrative in my head; I was lucky if I could hold a joke in my head, because every time you turn on television or radio, it wipes the slate clean - at least in my case. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I try to forget about the expectation that's out there and the audience listening for the next thing so that I'm not trying to please them. I've spent a huge amount of time not communicating with those folks and denying that they exist. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I am the cause of all my upsets. I am my worst enemy. "

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" My father worked for the railroad, and whenever a train crashed, we would go as a family and steal food from the boxcars. One year we stole a case of butterscotch pudding that was for export to Israel. It took us years to get through. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" People say I make up wild stories. But all I have to do is write down stuff that really happens. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I want my characters to really overuse their coping mechanisms to the point where they break down within 300 pages. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" We kind of deny the stages of life. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Being lonely is not a bad thing for a writer. "

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" If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character, would you slow down? Or speed up? "

Chuck Palahniuk

" The folks who read my books are so passionate about each one of them that the people making my movies are more afraid of my readership than they are of me. "

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" Masochism is a valuable job skill. "

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" In almost all my work, I try to re-invent Christian images and stories and themes. You'd be amazed by the letters I get from young Christians who recognise this and enjoy it. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" The act of writing is a way of tricking yourself into revealing something that you would never consciously put into the world. Sometimes I'm shocked by the deeply personal things I've put into books without realizing it. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Since September 11, 2001, the real world has become too scary for a lot of people to be with - all the time. "

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" I will never write a sequel to anything that I will ever write. "

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" I think America is just so in love with conflict. "

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" I used to work in a funeral home to feel good about myself, just the fact that I was breathing. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I come from generations of farmers. "

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" I don't know if you ever really feel like you've made it. "

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" The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up. "

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" David Fincher is a genius. "

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" Writing gave me the world. "

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