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" You're not going to learn anything if you're not prepared to go flat, so I'm very happy to go flat. "
Dylan Moran
Learn
Anything
Go
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" I'm fascinated by how you'll change your position so many times over a lifetime, but really what you're doing is occupying a series of positions on a landscape. "
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Over
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Doing
" I'm organised in some ways, but not in others. "
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Organised
Some
Others
" The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job. "
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Truth Is
Job
Doing
" I don't really think of myself as an actor. "
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Myself
Think
Really
" I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s. "
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Famous
Division
About
" You know, people sometimes say to me, 'Do you prefer to do this or that, act or do stand-up or write' but the thing that I enjoy most is the difference between all of them, because you're always learning. I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything. I'm actually lucky to have the chance to fail at all of them. "
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Myself
Chance
Great
" The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty. "
Dylan Moran
Real
Character
Real Life
" I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist. "
Dylan Moran
You
Formal
Give
" I'm just trying to understand what's around me as much as anyone else is, really. To draw a bead on a moving target. "
Dylan Moran
Moving
Understand
Trying
" One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing. "
Dylan Moran
One Thing
You
Up
" The measure of a conversation is how much mutual recognition there is in it; how much shared there is in it. If you're talking about what's in your own head, or without thought to what people looking and listening will feel, you might as well be in a room talking to yourself. "
Dylan Moran
Yourself
Listening
Looking
" If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads. "
Dylan Moran
Might
Roads
Up
" Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine for a long time. "
Dylan Moran
Time
Long
Long Time
" It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book. "
Dylan Moran
Speak
Planning
Doing
" It probably says something really clinically terrible about my character that I need to get up on a stage and go 'Ra ra ra' in front of people. "
Dylan Moran
Character
Stage
Up
" I fear we might be losing the basic human facility to be alone - and with that you throw out independent decision-making, what to trust, what not to trust; key stuff - a perilous loss. "
Dylan Moran
Losing
You
Alone
" Have I had therapy? I went to a yoga class once. "
Dylan Moran
Class
Once
Therapy
" My drive to put myself on the line comes from boredom. From that feeling when you go to bed and think, 'What did I do today?' It doesn't have to be something monumental, just a feeling that you really tried to look at something, or look into something. "
Dylan Moran
Myself
Think
You
" I'm delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There's probably a site like that for everybody. I've heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well. "
Dylan Moran
Own
Feel
Like
" The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms. "
Dylan Moran
Get
Trend
Now
" I write all the time, but you just want to be careful what you put out. That's all. You want to have the confidence that you've done what you need to do to it, because otherwise it's an exercise in vanity. "
Dylan Moran
Exercise
You
Time
" Paper acts as an eraser on the mind, as soon as you look at what you've written. "
Dylan Moran
Look
Soon
You
" I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine. "
Dylan Moran
I Am
Young
Writing
" I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week's notice. That's my film career, most of the time. "
Dylan Moran
Week
Phone
Money
" There's always a host of voices you're inspired by. I love Don DeLillo, and I love Isaac Bashevis Singer, and I love Beckett, and I love Pinter. He's one of the funniest voices in English literature since Dickens. "
Dylan Moran
Literature
Always
Love
" I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother. "
Dylan Moran
Chair
Done
Drunk
" Irish people give big hellos and very little goodbyes. Unless they're female, and then they spend five hours talking in the doorway to the person that's leaving their house. "
Dylan Moran
Leaving
Talking
Person
" We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy. "
Dylan Moran
Both
Writing
Surreal
" You can laugh at somebody because they are innocent, and because they are naive or they are about to walk into a wall, but if somebody's giving you stuff, if somebody's talking, giving you their take on things, what makes you laugh, generally speaking, is going to be somebody who is telling it in an angry way. "
Dylan Moran
Innocent
Giving
Walk
" When things are going well, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. Writing walks, speech runs and talk flies. Other times, though, it's like fishing. "
Dylan Moran
Speech
Enough
Fishing