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" The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job. "
Dylan Moran
Truth Is
Job
Doing
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" If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads. "
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" Home gigs can be hard because it's an odd collision. More than anything, I feel self-conscious when my family are in the audience. I'm doing this job which is not quite acting - part of it is me, part performance. You're presenting a cartoon of yourself to people who know you as a line-drawing. "
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Family
Me
Job
" You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly. "
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Best
Having A Good Time
Time
" I've always been a big consumer of American journalism over the years and had an interest in the history of it and of the press in America; how it has changed. "
Dylan Moran
History
America
American
" I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that are like a lot of other people. There can be a bit of a herd mentality, and that's obviously less interesting because there's less going on. I'm just being totally frank with you. "
Dylan Moran
Stand
Stand Up
You
" I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week's notice. That's my film career, most of the time. "
Dylan Moran
Week
Phone
Money
" Maybe this is just me, but as time goes by, I'm more bewildered by modernity. It gets more unfathomable with every passing year. "
Dylan Moran
Time Goes By
More
Time
" When things are going well, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. Writing walks, speech runs and talk flies. Other times, though, it's like fishing. "
Dylan Moran
Speech
Enough
Fishing
" The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms. "
Dylan Moran
Get
Trend
Now
" We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy. "
Dylan Moran
Both
Writing
Surreal
" I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef. "
Dylan Moran
Teacher
Future
Chef
" You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic. "
Dylan Moran
Through
Achieve
Realism
" You can laugh at somebody because they are innocent, and because they are naive or they are about to walk into a wall, but if somebody's giving you stuff, if somebody's talking, giving you their take on things, what makes you laugh, generally speaking, is going to be somebody who is telling it in an angry way. "
Dylan Moran
Innocent
Giving
Walk
" You're not going to learn anything if you're not prepared to go flat, so I'm very happy to go flat. "
Dylan Moran
Learn
Anything
Go
" I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it. "
Dylan Moran
Irish
Get
About
" I did throw a lot of eggs into one basket, as you do in your teenage years - 'I am buying these records, I am wearing this'. I did quite a bit of that. You have to do it, wear your stupid shoes, wear your stupid hair. "
Dylan Moran
Years
Shoes
I Am
" People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.' "
Dylan Moran
People
Time
Like
" I draw hundreds and hundreds of pictures of sort of gnarly looking men, so I don't know what that tells you. People who look like... they're waiting for a sandwich that's never going to come. I don't know what's wrong with me. "
Dylan Moran
Know
Looking
Me
" The measure of a conversation is how much mutual recognition there is in it; how much shared there is in it. If you're talking about what's in your own head, or without thought to what people looking and listening will feel, you might as well be in a room talking to yourself. "
Dylan Moran
Yourself
Listening
Looking
" Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't. "
Dylan Moran
Year
Round
Sensible
" When I was young, all the politicians looked like ancient Latin teachers or greengrocers. They were mumbly, stumbly men with their hair blowing in their eyes, walking into trees, opening the wrong door. They had no idea how to present themselves. "
Dylan Moran
Walking
Trees
Door
" Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical. "
Dylan Moran
Think
More
Way
" I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do this,' like anybody would. But I'm not the type that says, 'If I do this, it will lead to that.' "
Dylan Moran
You
Career
Life
" You know, people sometimes say to me, 'Do you prefer to do this or that, act or do stand-up or write' but the thing that I enjoy most is the difference between all of them, because you're always learning. I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything. I'm actually lucky to have the chance to fail at all of them. "
Dylan Moran
Myself
Chance
Great
" One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing. "
Dylan Moran
One Thing
You
Up
" I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother. "
Dylan Moran
Chair
Done
Drunk
" I don't go to different countries to criticise their political system and tell them what they should be doing - what do I know? "
Dylan Moran
System
Political
Go
" You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up. "
Dylan Moran
Service
You
Growing
" I do think it's perfectly natural and human to want to invest belief in something. It's just a facet of who we are. What do I believe in? I believe in the obvious things. The people I'm close to and my work - it's not complicated. "
Dylan Moran
Belief
Believe
People
" I enjoy performing, always, but when you're taping a gig, you've got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that's surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won't be able to do anything. "
Dylan Moran
You
Always
Enjoy