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" Even I can't talk about myself for an hour. "

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" All of my friends are oddities. "

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" I really just want to make Karl Pilkington the new messiah. "

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" I'm influenced by those '40s, '50s, and '60s films: things like 'The Apartment' - I was a big fan of Billy Wilder. "

" I don't believe in ghosts or ESP or elves... or God. But I am spiritual in the sense that I get a lump in my throat when I listen to Vaughan Williams. "

" Your reputation is still the most important thing that you've got. "

" I like grown-up comedy, where it's about character and attitude and life as opposed to obvious gross-out and jokes. "

" A couple of people I knew went to university apart from me, but all the way through I was the smartest kid in the school. That's luck, but I was proud of it. And I was also proud of doing well without trying. As you get older, and it took me a long time to realise it, that's a disgusting attitude, revolting. "

" I don't know what Trump has to do to lose his supporters. It's like a religion. He's a school bully. "

" Stupidity without malice isn't horrible; some people can't help it. "

" I am not a wolf in sheep's clothing, I'm a wolf in wolf's clothing. "

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" Luckily, even when people are shouting lies, the truth is undamaged. Science doesn't matter what you believe. "

" I lift weights. Then I put them down again. "

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" I think comedies should be short. I don't want to be self-indulgent; I don't want a two-hour comedy. "

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" There's no difference between fame and infamy now. There's a new school of professional famous people that don't do anything. They don't create anything. "

" I haven't had my teeth fixed, I haven't had a hair transplant. I haven't had a skin peel, tummy tuck. I've done literally nothing. "

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" With the Internet era and social media and politics being so out there with the lies, now you've got people denying things they're on camera doing, and then you've got people not really caring about the truth. You've got people supporting people who've done horrific things, but just don't want the other side to get any satisfaction. "

" I'd much rather eat exactly what I want, and then burn it off, than diet. "