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" Every week I have a disaster in my kitchen. The fire alarm goes off repeatedly. But it doesn't stop me being adventurous. "

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" I love looking after animals. I find it very enjoyable. "

" I like working with kids; they keep you going. "

" Times are hard and friends are few. "

" I'd rather do community service than sit and write a load of Christmas cards. "

" I am quite happy to take a cut. You've got to, if you want to work and continue working. "

" Taking a pay cut won't demotivate me, not at all. It's not about money in the first place. It's about the job. "

" It's become normal for me to walk on set as Popeye, Frankenstein or an Elf or even a chicken. "

" I don't want to sit until I'm 90 with people running around after me. I'm not one for sitting on the couch. "

" The person I always enjoy having a meal with is Cilla Black. I might not see her for months, but then I'll pick her up at her flat, and we'll go to a restaurant, and it's like I've seen her that morning. "

" I went to work for the Civil Service. I'd wanted to work for the Ministry of Defence because I had some far-fetched idea that it had something to do with the Avengers, but I ended up in Social Security. "

" When my dog Buster died, I couldn't get over it. I was in bits. "

" I don't like awards ceremonies. I'd sooner go to the pub with mates I've known for years. "

" I go in the butchers and there's not a lot of meat I can eat these days, with having all the animals. "

" I still consider myself working class. I know my circumstances have changed dramatically since I was growing up back in Birkenhead. "

" You can draw the character out of pets, and you can make them your friends, but they are animals, and they have to be allowed to live the lives of animals. "

" I only like doing live telly. It's great because you go in and do it and then go home. No edit, no retakes. "

" Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood. "

" My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop. "

" The worst drivers are women in people carriers, men in white vans and anyone in a baseball cap. That's just about everyone. "

" Writing is such a solitary existence, and I can only do it late at night. "

" I don't live with people, that's why my relationships last. I'm not romantic. Even when I was a teenager if somebody asked if they could hold my hand I'd say, - no, it's not heavy, I can hold it myself, thank you'. "

" I was born late - what my mother calls the last kick of a dying horse. There's three of us children, but I'm 13 or 14 years younger than my brother and sister. "

" I enjoyed school - although I ran away on the first day. I'd reminded the teacher that it was nearly time for 'Watch With Mother' on TV. "

" I've got four dogs, eight chickens, 10 sheep and six pigs. "

" I don't want to sound like Catherine Cookson but I've worked since I was eight, with a paper round and in a fruit and veg shop. Taking a pay cut won't demotivate me, not at all. It's not about money in the first place. It's about the job. "

" I don't go for glamour roles. "

" I was Popeye mad when I was a kid, and I'd eat spinach until the cows came home. "

" Channel 4 are a great bunch of people to work with and the crew are lovely. Working at ITV was like being in the court of Caligula. "

" I dress up as a middle-aged prostitute and do a game show. "

" I'm not a businessman. I could pack it in, but I like work. I don't want to sound like Catherine Cookson, but I've worked since I was eight, with a paper round and in a fruit and veg shop. "