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" For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. "
Steven Wright
Fight
Same
Room
Related Quotes:
" I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years. "
Steven Wright
Tell
Head
People
" I've died so many times. I'm 65. On my 40th birthday, my girlfriend gave me a reel with ways I had died, whether it was by knife, or electrocution or drowning or being thrown off a building or whatever it might have been. I've died a lot of times! "
Jonathan Banks
Off
Been
Building
" I saw Farrah Fawcett originally when she and her boyfriend, Lee Majors, came over to my house for a birthday party that I was having for my ex-wife, Leigh Taylor-Young. "
Ryan O'Neal
Over
Birthday
Her
" We all have special numbers in our lives, and 4 is that for me. It's the day I was born. My mother's birthday, and a lot of my friends' birthdays, are on the fourth; April 4 is my wedding date. "
Beyonce Knowles
Wedding
Me
Birthday
" I've been singing since I could talk. I started playing the piano when I was about 5 or 6. I picked up the guitar on my 20th birthday. "
Grace Potter
Talk
Birthday
Guitar
" Ask any teenage girl to describe her perfect bedroom, and you'll get answers like 'a room with a private phone line, a place to hang out with friends, and for it to be way-cool and funky.' Ask parents the same question, and 'a locked door that opens on their 21st birthday' might top the list! "
Candice Olson
Friends
Parents
Girl
" Only then, approaching my fortieth birthday, I made philosophy my life's work. "
Karl Jaspers
Philosophy
Work
Only
" Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words. "
Plautus
Celebrate
Sweet
Words
" I believe that at least 70 percent of parenting goes to the mother. In our house, I'm the one who knows about all the school stuff, helps with the homework, organizes the play dates, and remembers the birthday parties. "
Cindy Crawford
Mom
Birthday
School
" In January 1962, when I was the author of one and a half unperformed plays, I attended a student production of 'The Birthday Party' at the Victoria Rooms in Bristol. Just before it began, I realised that Harold Pinter was sitting in front of me. "
Tom Stoppard
Sitting
Birthday
Me
" The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been. "
Madeleine L'Engle
Birthday
You
Great
" My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it. "
Boris Johnson
Policy
Eating
Cake
" I used to go to musicals every birthday - that was my birthday present. We'd go to London, me and my two brothers and mum and dad. I think I saw 'Mamma Mia' about five times. "
Lily James
Birthday
Go
London
" I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about. "
Steven Wright
Need
Know
I Can
" For my birthday this year, my girlfriends - who knew I'd just inherited my dad's turntable - gave me a carton of albums like 'Blue Kentucky Girl,' by Emmylou Harris, and 'Off the Wall,' by Michael Jackson. It's all stuff we grew up with. I mean, you can't have a music collection without Prince's 'Purple Rain' - it just can't be done! "
Connie Britton
Music
Birthday
Blue
" When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?' "
Steven Wright
Canada
You
Well
" I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. "
Steven Wright
Thought
Poetry
Everything
" My mother's face floated to mind, a pale, reproachful moon, at her last and first visit to the asylum since my twentieth birthday. A daughter in an asylum! I had done that to her. Still, she had obviously decided to forgive me. "
Sylvia Plath
Daughter
Mother
Birthday
" All my favorite stars, my family and my friends are here. I'm having the happiest birthday that an 18-year-old girl could ever have. "
Brandy Norwood
Girl
Birthday
Family
" Jewellery's not a big thing for me. The only thing I wear is a gold cross on a chain that I got for my 21st birthday. You have to take it off every day for filming, but that's the only time I'm not wearing it. You won't find me in rings, bracelets or earrings. "
Jonas Armstrong
Time
Birthday
Day
" I spent my 18th birthday in jail. Charges were dropped as long as I promised never to return to the state of Kansas. My parents took me home to Louisiana. I lasted there a week. Then I ran away. "
Mary Gauthier
Long
Me
Parents
" I sing a little bit. I got a guitar for my 16th birthday. "
Jesse Plemons
Sing
Birthday
Bit
" I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. "
Steven Wright
Ran
Down
Street
" I was standing right behind Marilyn, completely invisible, when she sang 'Happy birthday, Mr. President.' And indeed, the corny thing happened: Her dress split for my benefit, and there was Marilyn, and yes, indeed, she didn't wear any underwear. "
Mike Nichols
Birthday
Dress
Happy
" I once attended a birthday party where Danny Kaye dropped in to entertain the birthday boy and his guests; I was sometimes taken for lunch on Saturdays by my father to The Brown Derby; and my favorite meal is still the Cobb salad in the Polo Lounge of the Beverly Hills Hotel. "
Michael Korda
Hotel
Birthday
Father
" My mom FedExes a red velvet cake she makes from scratch to me every birthday. "
Molly Sims
Birthday
Cake
Red
" You should feel good about making your home nicer for your family and your friends. You should feel great about cooking a good dinner and making a dress for a granddaughter, creating a beautiful birthday party. It's all part of life. "
Martha Stewart
Good
Birthday
Beautiful
" I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. "
Steven Wright
You
Park
Place
" Most artists don't get paid for what they do, and they are lucky if they can persuade a friend to let them show something at a kid's birthday party. "
Andrei Codrescu
Birthday
Friend
Kid
" When I retired from the NFL, my son was born on my birthday two weeks later, which is Valentine's Day. Imagine having a son born on your birthday. "
Jim Kelly
Imagine
Son
Two