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" I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. "
Steven Wright
Ran
Down
Street
Related Quotes:
" My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage. "
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Act
Stage
Off
" Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this before. "
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Now
Forgotten
Think
" I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. "
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Instant
Know
Time
" Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh. "
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Become
Laugh
People
" If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey? "
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You
Had
Like
" Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?' "
Steven Wright
Childhood
Everything
Wrong
" I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. "
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Book
Writing
Numbers
" If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? "
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Wave
Heat
You
" I thought I would be a guy on the radio. "
Steven Wright
Guy
Radio
Would
" I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things. "
Steven Wright
Everyday
Talking
Jokes
" What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. "
Steven Wright
Crazy
Me
Matter
" I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. "
Steven Wright
Watched
Indy
Left
" My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. "
Steven Wright
Evolution
Theory
Adopted
" It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. "
Steven Wright
Make A Difference
Always
Difference
" When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel. "
Steven Wright
Mind
Remember
Three
" I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't. "
Steven Wright
Appears
Emotions
Everyone
" I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. "
Steven Wright
Stop
Driving
Dizzy
" You can't have everything. Where would you put it? "
Steven Wright
Put
You
Would
" I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. "
Steven Wright
Fast
Way
Worry
" Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. "
Steven Wright
You
Need
Experience
" Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.' "
Steven Wright
Wish
Bed
Death
" If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen? "
Steven Wright
Speed
Turn
You
" I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. "
Steven Wright
Other
Museums
Museum
" I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. "
Steven Wright
Writing
Autobiography
" I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me. "
Steven Wright
Life
You
Road
" I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom. "
Steven Wright
Classroom
Friends
Laugh
" Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see. "
Steven Wright
Think
Life
Looking
" The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me. "
Steven Wright
Me
Other
Day
" People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do. "
Steven Wright
Illusion
Imagination
Think
" I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. "
Steven Wright
Now
Gone
Dog