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" Forget 'full of myself,' I'm not remotely impressed with myself. "

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" First off, I don't do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don't care how much I weigh. "

" I have the bigger iPad, but the Mini is the best. It just seems perfect. The old one seems so big and heavy. I like simple and clean. "

" My kids have played soccer and baseball and basketball, and the parents who come to games are always saying and doing things that are just wildly inappropriate. "

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" I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not. "

" Why do I want to be challenged or have challenges? That's why I don't go climb mountains. "

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