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" I don't care what I do - act, stand-up, write, direct - it doesn't matter as long as I'm being creative and it's good work. "
Jeff Garlin
Creative
Care
Work
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" Directing is really my favorite thing to do, but if I never directed again, I'd be okay if all the work I did was good. "
Jeff Garlin
Okay
Work
Favorite
" Parents have got to chill out. Let your kid eat dirt - they're gonna be fine! "
Jeff Garlin
Eat
Kid
Got
" Certainly early on, I kind of modeled myself after Steve Martin and Bill Murray. I would imitate them sometimes. "
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Kind
Imitate
Early
" My kids have played soccer and baseball and basketball, and the parents who come to games are always saying and doing things that are just wildly inappropriate. "
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Parents
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" I've avoided doing network shows because I don't think they're true to real families. "
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Think
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True
" Whenever I meet someone who's talented, I always want to write something for them! "
Jeff Garlin
Them
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Write
" I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they're for evil. They're for gossip. "
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Evil
Gossip
Good
" As an individual doing a podcast, you don't get even remotely rich. It's not something to do for money. "
Jeff Garlin
Money
You
Doing
" I'm from Chicago and it's a huge influence on me. "
Jeff Garlin
Chicago
Influence
Me
" I do love directing. It's probably my favorite thing that I do. "
Jeff Garlin
Directing
Favorite
Love
" First off, I don't do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don't care how much I weigh. "
Jeff Garlin
Always
Care
Comedy
" Why do I want to be challenged or have challenges? That's why I don't go climb mountains. "
Jeff Garlin
Climb
Challenges
Want
" I like raconteurs; I like conversation. I liked the 'Tonight Show' when it was 90 minutes, I like when people aren't plugging things per se, and they're just in the moment being interesting. "
Jeff Garlin
Moment
Show
Interesting
" I like independent movies, documentaries. There's not a lot of movies that are commercially made that I dig. "
Jeff Garlin
Dig
Movies
Independent
" There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. "
Jeff Garlin
True
People
Treat
" I felt very comfortable about myself when I was much heavier. I feel much better about myself from being fit. "
Jeff Garlin
Feel
Comfortable
Better
" I don't think I'm ever going to retire from stand-up, but what I have retired from is working the road every week. "
Jeff Garlin
Week
Ever
Going
" For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey. "
Jeff Garlin
Me
More
Than
" The only thing that I demand of the audience is that they listen to what I'm saying. Other than that, they owe me nothing. They don't owe me a thing. "
Jeff Garlin
Nothing
Audience
Listen
" Forget 'full of myself,' I'm not remotely impressed with myself. "
Jeff Garlin
Full
Forget
Impressed
" I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not. "
Jeff Garlin
Comedy
You
Stop
" In my stand-up, I generally improvise from an outline. "
Jeff Garlin
Improvise
Generally
Stand-Up
" I'm totally comfortable not being as funny as Larry David. "
Jeff Garlin
Funny
Totally
Comfortable
" I have the bigger iPad, but the Mini is the best. It just seems perfect. The old one seems so big and heavy. I like simple and clean. "
Jeff Garlin
Like
Perfect
Simple