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" Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn't exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Head

Own

Well

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" As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Ray

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" Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods. "

" The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants. "

" The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable. "

" We did not become libertarians because we are altruists. "

" Art Nouveau got its inspiration from nature. The Bauhaus got its inspiration from engineering. "

" The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. "

" The anti-individualist enemies that Ayn Rand battled are still the enemy, but they've shifted their line of attack. Political collectivists are no longer much interested in taking things away from the wealthy and creative. "

" On inspection, Gaudi's architecture isn't whimsical at all. "

" I read good. I was an English major. "

" What is obnoxious about the motives of politicians - whatever those motives may be - is that politicians must announce their motives as visionary and grand. "

" Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. "

" Libertarianism is a way of measuring how the government and other kinds of systems respect the individual. At the core of libertarianism is the idea that the individual is sacrosanct and that anything that's done contrary to the well-being of the individual needs some pretty serious justification. "

" The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it. "

" When I board an airplane these days, all the middle-aged men are dressed like me - when I was an 8-year-old. They're in shorts and T-shirts. And it's not just on airplanes. It's in business offices, teachers' lounges, and churches. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Teachers

Men

" People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans. "

" Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum. "

" Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper. "

" Everybody is xenophobic to an extent. "

" Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros. "

" I have never been to a museum in Hong Kong, or a movie or a play. I've never gone club-hopping. I've never taken the tram to Victoria Peak. "

" My life would have gone along perfectly well, politically speaking, if it hadn't been for girls. "

" Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Minds

Facts

" Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments.' "

" President Bush said that if illegal immigrants want citizenship, they'd have to do three things: pay taxes, hold meaningful jobs, and learn English. Bush doesn't meet those qualifications. "

" I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics. "

" The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers will pay. "

" Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. "

" Rahm Emanuel is, we are almost certain, a vampire. "

" The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews. "