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" The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Together
Enough
People
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" Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Whatever
Policy
" The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Wife
Words
Need
" Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Yourself
Team
Better
" The job of the president of the United States is to talk to the public, is to explain to them. Now, some presidents talk too much, like Bill Clinton. Some presidents try to talk but don't know how, like George Bush senior. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Try
Too Much
Job
" Modern elites live in bubbles of liberal affluence like Ann Arbor, Brookline, the Upper West Side, Palo Alto, or Chevy Chase. These places used to have impoverished neighborhoods nearby, but the poor people got chased out by young singles living in group homes, hipsters, and urban homesteading gay couples. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Living
Gay
Young
" All religions must be made child-proof. Our teachers' unions have done good work in this field, K through 12. Delaying first communions and bar mitzvahs until age 21 would be another positive step. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Done
Work
Step
" Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Flattery
Gossip
" Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Person
Dust
Ten Commandments
" War diminishes both civil and economic rights. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Civil
Both
" Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Got
Country
" Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Own
Three
Way
" Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics
Smart
Person
" Earnestness is stupidity sent to college. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Earnestness
Stupidity
College
" Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Us
Worst
Violence
" Satire doesn't effect change. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Change
Satire
Effect
" People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Trade
People Say
" The Tea Party has definitely increased political involvement, not only among Tea Party members but among people who oppose the Tea Party members. It's been a general stimulus. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Political
Only
Party
" When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospital. and another bill, which is tacked onto your bill, to cover the medical expenses of someone who doesn't have a job and/or insurance and can't pay the hospital. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Job
You
Hospital
" I like to have interesting things to write about. And when one says something is 'interesting,' one almost always means 'bad.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Bad
Like
Interesting
" As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political cause so that we can get out there, you know, and play flag football or Frisbee, or walk the dog or something - you know, which is, you know, what the National Mall should be for, in my personal opinion. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Walk
Political
Football
" By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Car
Today
American
" I think it's always easy to be sympathetic to parts of the government in detail; in their concrete manifestations. Because obviously, we don't have government for no reason. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Detail
Always
Think
" There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It's going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it's the Democrats. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Republican
American
Hope
" There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Old
People
More
" Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
Stay
Living
" I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Words
Write
Good
" President Bush said that if illegal immigrants want citizenship, they'd have to do three things: pay taxes, hold meaningful jobs, and learn English. Bush doesn't meet those qualifications. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Immigrants
Citizenship
Meet
" In Hong Kong there is agglomeration beyond my fondest imaginings. The Kowloon district claims a population density four times that of New York City. "
P. J. O'Rourke
New York
Beyond
City
" I think the Baby Boom does have a tendency to get its nose in everything. The Greatest Generation had a better tendency to leave people alone. Of course, they also had a better tendency to hate everybody's guts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Better
Baby
Alone
" I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Got
Older
Me