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" Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods. "

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" The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help. "

" Lack of romance is my real objection to writing on a computer. "

" Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now behind the counter when you renew your car registration at the department of motor vehicles. "

" President Obama has contempt for real money. "

" My generation of Americans was the first to really care about racism and sexism, not to mention the I Ching, plus, of course, the Earth. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments.' "

" Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference. "

" There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. "

" My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow... he wasn't evil or anything, but he was worthless. "

" The minute somebody joins a committee... they immediately suffer from committee brain. They become wildly over-enthusiastic, over-optimistic, over-pessimistic. Committees turn people into idiots, and politics is a committee. "

" I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny. "

" Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country. "

" I read good. I was an English major. "

" The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb. "

" I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. "

" Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it. "

" Opinions of language are as interesting as opinions of arithmetic. "

" I'm a rather decisive type. "

" I'm really tired of virtue. "

" The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants. "

" There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. "

" Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere. "

" A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too. "

" Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. "

" Obama, in pursuit of power, has been as greedy and irresponsible as any Wall Street tycoon in pursuit of money. "

" Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts. "

" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "

" The library, with its Daedalian labyrinth, mysterious hush, and faintly ominous aroma of knowledge, has been replaced by the computer's cheap glow, pesky chirp, and data spillage. "

" Space has always been confusing to politics. "