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" I didn't hang any pictures in my office for a year because I thought that I would be jinxing myself and have to take them down the next day. "

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" Pat O'Brien knows nothing. He's on the Hell express. "

" The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world. "

" The head writer loves that my character is a boor. "

" The show is a satire, which gives us freedom to do anything we want. Satire is the magic word that wipes away any culpability. The media is jealous of this freedom. "

" I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off. "

" I just want to do cool stuff. "

" I have to stay true to myself. "

" This limited theatrical release was a nice little bonus that I never expected. "

" Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil. "

" I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece. "

" I didn't really feel 100 percent comfortable until we started working on the 2004 election. "

" I want to manufacture a feud. "

" Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously. "

" I don't feel like I even need to contribute. "

" I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards. "

" You're encouraged to pitch your own story. That way, you'll have more control over what you do. "

" Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day. "

" I get all of my comedy from CNN. "

" If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not The Naked Guy, I don't care. "

" People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is. "

" If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer. "

" I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials. "

" I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling. "

" I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid. "

" Why should I be feeling tension? It's The Daily Show. "

" Wow. I am really pretentious. "

" Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show. "

" I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one. "

" I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage. "