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" I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage. "

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" Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously. "

" Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil. "

" I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off. "

" I didn't really feel 100 percent comfortable until we started working on the 2004 election. "

" I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling. "

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" I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials. "

" People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is. "

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" I have to stay true to myself. "

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" I want to manufacture a feud. "

" Why should I be feeling tension? It's The Daily Show. "

" Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day. "

" I didn't hang any pictures in my office for a year because I thought that I would be jinxing myself and have to take them down the next day. "

" I get all of my comedy from CNN. "

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" The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world. "

" I just want to do cool stuff. "

" Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show. "

" If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not The Naked Guy, I don't care. "

" It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus. "

" The show is a satire, which gives us freedom to do anything we want. Satire is the magic word that wipes away any culpability. The media is jealous of this freedom. "