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" I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials. "

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" I just want to do cool stuff. "

" This limited theatrical release was a nice little bonus that I never expected. "

" I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid. "

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" Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously. "

" I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off. "

" I don't feel like I even need to contribute. "

" I didn't really feel 100 percent comfortable until we started working on the 2004 election. "

" Why should I be feeling tension? It's The Daily Show. "

" I get all of my comedy from CNN. "

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" I didn't hang any pictures in my office for a year because I thought that I would be jinxing myself and have to take them down the next day. "

" I have to stay true to myself. "

" I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one. "

" Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil. "

" It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus. "

" The show is a satire, which gives us freedom to do anything we want. Satire is the magic word that wipes away any culpability. The media is jealous of this freedom. "

" I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece. "

" Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show. "

" I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage. "

" The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world. "

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" If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not The Naked Guy, I don't care. "

" I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling. "