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" I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. "
Mitch Hedberg
Woman
Know
Mad
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" I started dating older men, and I would fall in love with them. I thought they could teach me about life. "
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" I wouldn't mind telling my five good friends that I'm dating, but I don't want my loose connections to know. "
Sunil Nagaraj
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Friends
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" Whenever you have an ex, and they're like, 'I hope we can still be friends!' and you weren't friends before you started dating, then what do you go back to, really? "
Ed Sheeran
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" I think dating apps are keeping us apart. "
Karamo Brown
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" Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others. "
Wayne Dyer
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" OKCupid's model is almost entirely based on advertising, which is the way most online media is monetized these days, whether it's the news or whether it's sports, and we think online dating is going to evolve in the exact same way. "
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" Dogs are forever in the push up postion. "
Mitch Hedberg
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" I've been dating younger men since my 20s, When I was 29, I dated someone 21... younger men are just more fun. I like their energy. I've always been kind of young for my age. "
Dana Delany
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" Stuff about me dating Kim Kardashian - I have no idea where that came from and all these other rumors. I don't think I'm that type. "
Jeremy Lin
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" I'm the girl who - I call it girl-next-door-itis - the hot guy is friends with and gets all his relationship advice from but never considers dating. "
Taylor Swift
Friends
Relationship
Hot
" My friends and the people I know understand that I'm going to ask them what they're doing, how they're dating, who they're dating, where they're going and what they're doing. I'm constantly asking those questions and making sure I'm in touch with the customer. "
Sam Yagan
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" Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes. "
Mitch Hedberg
People
Meat
Deli
" If you're dating the quarterback and then you go out with the hockey player, you just go to the hockey games. I don't think I'll still go to the football games. "
Nicolle Wallace
Dating
You
Think
" In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. "
Andre Maurois
Literature
Others
Dating
" If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends. "
Orson Welles
Impress
Dating
Meat
" I came out when I was 13 and started to become more open about liking boys, and I still ended up dating girls and boys. It seems to be the natural progression from where I was, but it wasn't a shock to anyone that I was close with. "
Michael J. Willett
Natural
Up
Open
" A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap. "
Mitch Hedberg
Like
Waffle
Trap
" Dating has taught me what I want and don't want, who I am, and who I want to be. "
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Taught
Want
Who
" I love sushi. Once on Valentine's Day, someone I was dating rocked up at the airport to pick me up with a bag of salmon because I love it so much. "
Ella Eyre
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Bag
Sushi
" Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles. "
Mitch Hedberg
I Am
How
Eat
" Facebook and pictures on the Internet have created such a different way of dating. It's not necessarily good because an obsessive quality can develop in people. "
Alexander Koch
Internet
People
Quality
" The difference between being a part-time writer and a full-time writer is like the difference between dating someone and living with them. Some of the romance is gone, but you learn things you'd never know just by dating. "
Scott Westerfeld
Never
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Know
" Sometimes when people start dating a hot piece, they take on some of their boo's characteristics unintentionally. "
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People
Dating
Start
" I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he? "
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Exhausted
Dating
Been
" I am dating, but it is hard to find someone quick enough and funny enough. I am quite demanding. "
Anne Robinson
Enough
Someone
I Am
" I grew up between the two world wars and received a rather solid general education, the kind middle class children enjoyed in a country whose educational system had its roots dating back to the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. "
George Andrew Olah
Children
Back
Roots
" I'm opening up my heart to the idea of dating. It's funny - my friends would always come to me for romantic advice. I know nothing, and things have changed since I was dating in high school! I'm really trying hard to spend this time working on myself. "
Olivia Wilde
Funny
Heart
Romantic
" I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. "
Mitch Hedberg
Got
Always
Sick
" Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. "
Maya Angelou
Love Is
Virus
Time
" If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up. "
Mitch Hedberg
Carrots
Would
Drunk