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" I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it. "
" I have very vivid dreams - almost always action-adventure. I'm often on the run. I've always had dreams. When I was little, I'd go to sleep with my head on my hands, which were in fists like I was looking through a camera. I felt like sleep was the movies - just drifting off to the movies. "
" I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend. "
" As a kid, I was terrified. I was a bed wetter, and I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer, which was humiliating and terrifying. I had lots of insecurities and scaredness. "
" I like my life alone. I mean, I love being with friends, and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices. "
" I tend to be more arrogant on stage. Far more ignorant. I sometimes say what I think and sometimes say the opposite of what I think and the lines get blurred, but I can only hope that some kind of absolute power transcends. "
" I like my life alone. "
" I'm not the marrying type, but I always want to be with someone who is a fan. "
" I definitely think that prescription drugs, like antidepressants, are prescribed so cavalierly, anyone can get anything, but I need it. I do think that it needs to work hand and hand with therapy. "
" I don't really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically. "
" I just think of myself as a comedian, really. I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion. "
" I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show. "
" You're supposed to have friends you can tell anything to. "
" Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now. "
" Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill. "
" And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school. "
" You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage. "
" I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games. "
" I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus. "
" Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine. "
" I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core. "
" They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle. "
" If I have kids, I'll adopt. "
" You want to make people laugh and by virtue of that please them, but when you're instructed to make people laugh and please them, you're too resentful to do it. "
" Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. "
" What are the chances there is a God, really? "
" I never defend my material. Comedy is subjective. "
" Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it. "
Black And White
" But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough. "
" I do love the idea of ritual. "
" I like my messiness on stage, though I watch comics who come at a joke from every angle and I think, 'Yeah! That's how it's done!' But for me it's the audience. If I feel connected to them, I have so much fun, and if not, it stinks. "