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All Quotes by author - Sarah Silverman

" And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school. "

" As a kid, I was terrified. I was a bed wetter, and I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer, which was humiliating and terrifying. I had lots of insecurities and scaredness. "

" But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough. "

" By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live. "

" Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now. "

" Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert. "

" Growing up, I always loved Disney movies, but the first movie I remember seeing is 'Sleepers,' so I wasn't really taken to children's movies. "

" I can't believe how much time has passed. The first time I did stand-up I was 17, and I was really a stand-up once I was 19 in New York, and now I'm 41, and I still feel like I haven't found myself onstage. "

" I definitely think that prescription drugs, like antidepressants, are prescribed so cavalierly, anyone can get anything, but I need it. I do think that it needs to work hand and hand with therapy. "

" I'd love to do drama if it was interesting. "

" I do love the idea of ritual. "

" I do love the idea of ritual. I'm a very ritualistic person. I have to wash my face twice, and on the second wash before I rinse, I brush my teeth, then I rinse, then I floss, then I put on moisturizer. I'm ritualistic. Jewishness is very ritualistic. "

" I don't really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically. "

" I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it. "

" I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games. "

" If I have kids, I'll adopt. "

" If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. "

" I had a lot of depression as a kid. "

" I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core. "

" I have no religion, but I can't escape being extremely Jewish ethnically - that is, culturally. In other words, I'm not religious, but I worry and I'm neurotic. And I'm very good with money. "

" I have very vivid dreams - almost always action-adventure. I'm often on the run. I've always had dreams. When I was little, I'd go to sleep with my head on my hands, which were in fists like I was looking through a camera. I felt like sleep was the movies - just drifting off to the movies. "

" I just think of myself as a comedian, really. "

" I just think of myself as a comedian, really. I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion. "

" I like my life alone. "

" I like my life alone. I mean, I love being with friends, and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices. "

" I like my messiness on stage, though I watch comics who come at a joke from every angle and I think, 'Yeah! That's how it's done!' But for me it's the audience. If I feel connected to them, I have so much fun, and if not, it stinks. "

" I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing. "

" I love making videos on my couch. You can put those on the Internet fast. I can express myself. "

" I'm always writing; I'm always jotting things down on paper or making notes in my iPhone. Then I'll make myself sit down and kind of shape it up, but there's really no other way to practice other than onstage. "

" I'm a very ritualistic person. I have to wash my face twice, and on the second wash before I rinse, I brush my teeth, then I rinse, then I floss, then I put on moisturizer. I'm ritualistic. Jewishness is very ritualistic. "

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