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" I do love the idea of ritual. "
" Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. "
" I have no religion, but I can't escape being extremely Jewish ethnically - that is, culturally. In other words, I'm not religious, but I worry and I'm neurotic. And I'm very good with money. "
" I like my life alone. I mean, I love being with friends, and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices. "
" You're supposed to have friends you can tell anything to. "
" Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now. "
" You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage. "
" The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17. "
" I remember when I got a part on 'Seinfeld' it was like an out of body experience, I was so excited. "
" As a kid, I was terrified. I was a bed wetter, and I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer, which was humiliating and terrifying. I had lots of insecurities and scaredness. "
" My dad loves to be talked about, good or bad. He just loves it. He's not even hearing the content, he's just hearing him. When I'm onstage, he's looking at the audience members and can't believe that there are strangers listening to me, and he's just delighted by the whole thing. "
" That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive. "
" I never defend my material. Comedy is subjective. "
" I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core. "
" If I have kids, I'll adopt. "
" I'm doing a lot of stand-up, but not like when you're living in New York and you can do three sets a night and it's your life, and you sleep all day and you wake up and you eat with a bunch of other comics and then get ready for the night. "
" I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it. "
" If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. "
" My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and know exactly what was going on in my life. "
" I just think of myself as a comedian, really. "
" I tend to be more arrogant on stage. Far more ignorant. I sometimes say what I think and sometimes say the opposite of what I think and the lines get blurred, but I can only hope that some kind of absolute power transcends. "
" I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus. "
" I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games. "
" I'm not the marrying type, but I always want to be with someone who is a fan. "
" I mean, I love being with friends and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices. "
" You want to make people laugh and by virtue of that please them, but when you're instructed to make people laugh and please them, you're too resentful to do it. "
" The first time I did stand-up I was 17, and I was really a stand-up once I was 19 in New York, and now I'm 41, and I still feel like I haven't found myself onstage. Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. "
" It fills me with a weird rage to wear shoes that make me not able to walk easily or run if I had to. It feeds into this whole 'war on women' thing in my head. "
" Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it. "
Black And White
" It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it. "
" I had a lot of depression as a kid. "